Nadja's Story: Dealing With Your Child's Depression (Part 1)

By Nancy D. Galang, M.A. 

Every family has its share of major trials and challenges. Kahit pa mukhang laging masaya sa posts sa Facebook, walang perfect na pamilya. Behind those smiles are our family battles, big and small. Behind those embraces are our struggles to win those battles.

The G Skwad: (from L to R) Nadja, Rocky,
Nastassia & Nicolette

I have been meaning to share

one difficult part of the G Skwad's journey a few months back, but could not find a better timing. Naisip ko, how will I end the story?

But recent events have prompted me to finally write about it (and this was with permission and much encouragement from my daughter because she said "it will help others").

My youngest daughter Nadja was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) last July 2019. But according to her, she started feeling the symptoms December of 2018.

I remember her telling me, "Mama, I think I need therapy."

What was my initial reaction? Wala lang 'yun. Emotional lang siguro s'ya at lilipas din.

But she went on to describe what she was going through. She was unable to control her emotions, and she was experiencing breakdowns caused by different triggers.

My next reaction was to ask her what these triggers were. She could not pinpoint any particular one but she said even the littlest things can cause her to breakdown.

When she came up to me because she knew she
had a mental condition that needed treatment,
I was shocked and was in denial. 

As a singleD mom, I naturally asked her right away: "Was it because of my separation with your dad?"

She did say na isa 'yun sa mga bagay that cause her to cry when she thinks about it, but it was more of her insecurities as a person and her everyday circumstances that give her stress and anxiety.

Then I told her, focus on your blessings, baka kulang sa prayers? She said she does appreciate all her blessings and nagpe-pray naman sya.

Then she described her breakdowns like being in a trance, in a dark place, then not being able to think properly when that happens. And when she told me this, natakot ako. I knew iba na 'yun and I said, "Ok let's consult a psychologist."

Some of the symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) are low self-esteem, loss of motivation to do activities that were once enjoyable, and becoming
easily anxious.

I am proud that I have a smart and brave kid who knew she had to come forward and tell me we needed to get professional help.

Kapag nasa ganitong sitwasyon ka as a parent, there is a tendency na maisip mo kung ano mga nagawa mo o di mo nagawa. Bigla akong bumalik sa lahat ng mga nangyari sa family namin the past few years.

Nadja was in 4th year HS when his dad and I were separating. This was April 2017 (we started to kind of talk about our separation December 2016). In fact, her graduation was the last family event his dad attended.

Above: Nadja's HS graduation from
Miriam College (April 2017)

Within a few months, Nadja had to live independently to stay in a rented condo across her school in Taft Avenue so it would be more convenient. Although she had one of her best friends as roommate, she was still away from me and the rest of her siblings while the biggest family crisis was happening to us. Nix, my eldest, was also deployed by June of the same year to work in Saudi Arabia. 

Above: Bringing Nix to the airport on her way
to Saudi Arabia. 

All of a sudden, biglang tatlo na lang kami sa G Skwad household... Nastassia, Rocky, and me.

Siyempre, mga Nan-sis (Nanay-sisters), wala muna ako sa sarili ko nang ilang buwan noong mga panahong 'yun. Para akong nalulunod and I just needed to keep my head above water so as not to keep drowning. Kapag ganun, wala ka naman maiisip kundi ang sarili mong pain at pagmu-move on.

(If you have not read about this part of our journey, you may read my very first blog: "Becoming SingleD.")

Above: Attending her baccalaureate mass.
It was barely a month after I became singleD.
(kaya't namumugto ang mga mata ko!)

So when Nadja came up to me and said she needed therapy, na-realize ko, was anybody there for her when her dad left?

At the same time, she was suddenly physically away from all of us and adjusting to college life.

I was so sure wala ako nung mga panahong 'yun to give her all the support she needed - both physically and emotionally. I was too preoccupied with my own coping, adjusting, and survival. Bigla akong na-guilty. Siyempre, kung meron man akong natutukan, that was Nastassia. She was with me. Si Rocky, baligtad, s'ya ang tumutok at nagpapatigil sa akin kapag umiiyak ako. Si Nix, naging escape n'ya ang trabaho n'ya at sariling adjustment living abroad. And I guess, being the eldest, she was the most focused among us, to help us get through the financial aspect of the crisis.

2017 pa yun. Nadja called my attention May 2018. Isang taon na after ko maging singleD.

Dahil busy s'ya sa school at trainings for her dance competitions, July na kami nakapag-first appointment sa doktor. I went to my good friend and grade school classmate Agnes Agbayani, who is a psychologist and the Executive Director of Life Change and Recovery Center. After talking to Nadja and assessing her condition, she was referred to their Psychiatrist Dr. Randy Dellosa.

Above: Nadja during one of her dance competitions.
As busy and fully functional as she was, I did not
have a single clue that she was already suffering 
from depression for more than 6 months when she
told me. 

After their talk, I was called in and there he told me that out of 10 symptoms of MDD, Nadja had 8. So she was recommended to take medications.

Siyempre, bilang nanay, ang dami kong tanong. Pretty much about what could have caused it. Dahil ba sa mga pangyayari sa family namin, etc, etc. He said, yes it may be a series of major events that were left unprocessed. But it can also be genetic. And it's none of what we have done or may be doing that caused it.

Lumabas kami sa clinic na I had mixed emotions. Ang una kong pakiramdam was that of relief because finally, we will get Nadja some help and treatment.

When your child suffers from depression,
ibang bigat ng kalooban ang nararamdaman
ng isang magulang. A lot of times, I felt helpless
at wala akong magawa to make her feel better.

The past 2 months since she told me was marked by a lot of paranoia on my part kasi hindi ko s'ya nakikita. Hindi ako makatulog kasi may dinaramdam at pinagdaraanan ang anak mo na ganun, tapos wala ka sa tabi n'ya. In fact, I was entertaining the idea that all of us just live in Manila to be with her. Kaya lang paano? My other 2 kids were studying in Quezon City? 

I am the proudest mom because Nadja had the 
courage to come up to me to say she needed help. 
I was able to help her because she made the right
decision to help herself first.

Mahirap. Super hirap kasi ako lang din ang kumakayod para sa pamilya (but I get by with a little help from my Nix!), so hindi ako basta-basta lang maka-decide na lumipat nang malayo from my work and be with her. Mabuti na lang, soon, Rocky was enrolled in the same school too, at magkasama na silang dalawa sa condo. I was able to get big help in monitoring Nadja. Most of the time, too, sinasamahan naman s'ya noon nung BF nya.

The half year that took us to find the
right medicines for her was marked
by a lot of frustration that I almost lost faith.

Then I also felt sad kasi nga may sakit ang anak ko. Ito na naman 'yung moments na tinatanong mo si Lord, "Bakit anak ko pa?" Favorite yata ako talaga ni Lord!

Although Doc Randy really did a good job in making me less worried by downplaying it and saying "Treat it like she has Vitamin C deficiency so she has to take Vitamin C." Oo nga naman, this should be our attitude sa mental health issue. It is like any other disease that should be addressed and properly treated.

Pero siyempre nakaramdam pa rin ako ng takot kasi ito na naman! Isa na namang pagsubok na kakayanin ko na while being a singleD mom. Hindi naman ito madaling sabihin sa parents ko kasi matatanda na sila and I didn't want them to worry. Of course, hindi ko rin sinabi sa mga kapatid ko kasi Nadja might feel uncomfortable about it.

The next five months was extra-difficult because we had to try different medicines hanggang mahanap namin ang hiyang sa kanya. Ganun pala 'yun, akala ko basta't nakapag-prescribe na ng gamot, iyun na 'yun at mawawala na ang depression n'ya. 

It was finally in December that her emotions stabilized because we finally found the right ("hiyang") medicines for her.

It was nice to have Nadja back. She was always a happy kid with a great sense of humor. Na-miss ko 'yun. And slowly, she was making me laugh again.

Her insecurities? Nagulat ako dun kasi she is an achiever. Consistent academic awardee siya from grade school to college.  She is also popular in school and in her circle of dancers. 

Meron pa pala s'yang mga ganung nararamdaman, surprisingly. But when the medicines worked for her, I saw her bloom so fast into a more confident person - now much better in all the things that she wants to pursue.

Sayawatha Dance Troupe won the championship and Nadja was  awarded “Female Dancer of the Night" during the World of Dance Qualifiers (2017)

 But inside me mayroon pa ring takot na hanggang kailan siya maggagamot? So since naibigay na ni Lord ang una kong dasal na mahanap namin ang tamang gamot for her, hindi ako nag-atubili na i-elevate ang dasal ko. I asked God that one day, sana gumaling siya nang todo-todo that she would not need medicines.

Pinagdadasal ko 'yun at araw-araw na sinusulat sa journal ko under the category "prayer requests," kahit na parang ang pakiramdam, suntok sa buwan. Baka hindi mangyari. Kasi, ang hirap ng pinagdaanan namin nung hindi pa nagwo-work ang tamang gamot.

Madaming beses, Nadja did not have any motivation to go to school or go about her daily activities. She would text me, na gusto lang n'ya matulog buong araw sa condo n'ya. Ako naman, mahihirapan na mag-concentrate sa trabaho ko kapag ganun siya. There were times, I had to drop everything to pick her up from her condo or to be with her. Mas-madali kasi yun instead na malayo s'ya sa akin tapos wala akong magawa kundi ang mag-worry when she was having those episodes.

"It's like being in a trance and all of a sudden being
in a dark place", this is how Nadja described her
condition. 

Madaming beses din na she would easily feel guilty and then end up blaming herself. An example would be when she could not be present sa family events kasi busy siya. Then she would be anxious kasi hindi nya nagawa ang lahat ng dapat niyang gawin sa isang araw, or may konting glitch. This would cause major breakdowns na and she could not stop crying.

Then the thought of self-harm and actually doing it most of the time she would have breakdowns. Paano ako matatahimik, kung ang condo niya ay nasa 9th floor?

'Yung magka-depression ang isa sa mga anak ko 
ang isa sa mga pinakamahirap na dinadaanan ko
bilang isang singleD mom.

Kaya kung mayroon akong dapat na ipagpasalamat sa pandemic at lockdown, that is the fact na kasama ko ang mga anak ko sa bahay ng ilang buwan, and I could now monitor Nadja 24-7.

Nadja and I decided to tell her story because
we know that there are many cases of depression specially now in this pandemic.  We hope
that by doing so, we can somehow be of help.

The journey has been very difficult.  There is so much uncertainty, not knowing kung tama ba ang ginagawa ko. With such a delicate condition, mahirap magkamali eh. Pero I realized I did something right about Nadja's condition the moment I learned about it.  

I'll tell you kung ano ang mga ito sa Part 2 of this entry.

Until then. Catch you later!

Nancy Mommy