SingleD & Embracing Independence

SingleD & Embracing Independence

by Nancy D. Galang

April 21, 2020

Learning to Bloom where I am planted.

While in quarantine for four weeks, I have realized how blessed are those families na kumpleto ang set-up: May tatay, nanay, mga anak, and even luckier when they have helpers and drivers. 

Since I have become singleD, I was forced to rely on myself in many circumstances (lalo na when the kids were younger), like during this Enhanced Community Quarantine.

Being the head of the household, I am the lone designated member to do errands and get our family’s basic essentials.

Naiisip ko tuloy, kung may asawa pa ako, siya ang lalabas ng bahay to do them, while I can stay at home to work, do the cooking, and supervise the kids with their assigned chores.  Isa pa, bukod sa may taga-palengke at grocery, may katulong din sana ako sa gastos.

Naiisip ko rin na mas masarap siguro magkape sa umaga during quarantine kung may kakuwentuhan while the kids are still sleeping.

Kung di ako singleD, meron din akong mahihila magbuhat ng furniture at bagay-bagay na gusto ko i-rearrange sa bahay ngayong mas may oras ako.  Ang suwerte ng mga may asawang karpintero o handyman ngayong quarantined tayo. 

Iba rin ang security na mararamdaman ko if there's a man in the house who can protect all of us.  'Yung pag pumikit ka at natulog sa gabi, alam mong there is someone who will look after you.

Siyempre, mas OK din ang may kausap at the end of the day na puwedeng pagsabihan ng lahat ng nararamdaman mo in this situation. Or kahit di na kayo mag-usap, basta magkayakap lang kayo.

Since I became singleD at naggo-grocery ako, I noticed na mas mabilis akong natatapos dahil ako lang ang nagdedesisyon ng mga bibilin and how much ang budget. I do not feel guilty buying more for myself than when my husband was with us.  I get to spoil the kids more with what they want to eat.  

At tuwing nasa cashier na ako, nasanay na akong sabihin sa bagger to distribute the weight when he packs the grocery para hindi ako mahirapan magbuhat mag-isa when I unload the goods sa bahay.  I don't depend on anybody to carry them for me.

My room where we all sleep during this quarantine.

These days, parang for the first time in many years, magkakasama uli kaming natutulog ng mga anak ko sa iisang kuwarto lang (e kasi isang kuwarto pa lang ang napakabitan ko ng aircon simula nang lumipat kami).  Puwede akong pumili kung sino ang katabi ko sa kama ko at gusto ko yakapin for the night. 

'Yun nga lang, because my kids are all grown-ups, sandali ka na lang nila papayagan na yakapin sila.

I have to tell you, kaming single moms, hindi porke’t nakasanayan na naming mag-isa, hindi ibig sabihin na wala kaming fears. Na dahil lumipas na ang ilang taon, hindi na kami nalulungkot.

Sa totoo lang, in the past four weeks, there are some nights that I found myself crying quietly (so the kids won’t hear me), wallowing in self-pity na bakit ba mag-isa lang ako sa ganitong sitwasyon? Bakit ang mga kaibigan ko intact ang marriage? 

During this quarantine, one of my kids got sick.  And it was hard not to be able to take care of her 24/7 kasi I had other things to do – I am working from home, cooking, cleaning and going out for our needs. Kasi nga mag-isa lang ako (good thing sometimes nagte-take turns ang kids in helping me cook).

It was hard to decide whether to take her to the hospital or just do home remedy and consult our family doctor via texts or phone calls. 

One of the hardest things to do when you’re a single mom is to make major decisions about your kids. Kasi pag nagkamali ka, ikaw lang 'yun. No one to blame but yourself. And no one to reinforce your decision. No one to tell you “WE made the right decision.”

Ganito pala ang singled sa gitna ng pagiging quarantined.

I would have loved the idea of our whole family playing board games at this time of the ECQ. Or the sight of all six of us doing Netflix marathon. Or merely exchanging stories and making fun of each other.

I would have loved watching my husband be a dad to my kids, whether quarantined or not. 'Yung may kasama sana ko na nagbibigay ng advice  sa lovelife nila. 'Yung may kasama ako na mag-celebrate ng victories nila kapag nag-graduate, naging honor student, nanalo sa dance competition or nanlibre dahil may suweldo na.

My eldest Nix (2nd from Right) usually treats us out for dinner. 

But I feel extra-special and privileged naman kahit ako lang mag-isa ang nandun for my kids. I end up being thankful to God that He gives me these opportunities to celebrate their milestones.

Nadja wins a dance competition
2017

I realized, we can be happy nang lima lang kami. We can watch Netflix or play board games all day long and enjoy each other’s company.  And by the end of the day, I can give all my kids tight hugs one by one before I sleep. And paggising ko sa umaga, I can have coffee alone and still be happy because I can make it my ME time.

Netflix marathon with the kids.

Above all, I realized that I can make decisions independently and give myself room to make mistakes. After all, that’s how we all learn to become better parents. 

Rocky's HS graduation, 2019

So sa mga nakaka-relate na singleD moms (or maybe even singleD dads), we may feel challenged because we are singleD while in quarantine. We don't have the ideal set-up where there is both a father and a mother in our household.

But you know what, that’s perfectly OK! It does not mean we cannot do things efficiently and enjoy them too. Sabi nga nila, “Bloom where you are planted.”

Nastassia's College Grad.
2019

I learned that there is a certain joy and self-fulfillment brought about by INDEPENDENCE. Embrace it and appreciate it. 

Enjoying my Me time in the morning.

Until then! Stay safe in this quarantine!

Catch you later!

Nancy Mommy