"Ayuda One?” (SingleD and Dating)

"Ayuda One?” (SingleD and Dating)

By Nancy D. Galang, M.A.

"Dating is different when you get older. You're not as trusting, or as eager to get back out there and expose yourself to someone" - author unknown

That's the one question every SingleD person secretly asks everytime may bagong date.

Alam n'yo, mga dear Nan-sis (Nanay-sisters), since I became singleD, it's always at the back of my mind while staring at the man opposite me sa dates: "Ayuda one?"

Siyempre, di na naman tayo bata para mag-aksaya pa ng panahon sa isang date, kung mukhang di naman siya ang "the one."

Paano nga ba natin malalaman kung siya na nga? Tough question. This was something na hindi ko naitanong sa sarili ko when I was young and dating. Ayan tuloy, SingleD ang sinapit ko!

But now that I am SingleD, I would like to believe that I am much wiser. Kasama diyan ang “dating” at paghahanap ng “Ayuda…One."

Of course, mga Nan-sis, I learned my lesson the hard way. I guess when you’re young and in love, masyado kang idealistic. Ganoon ako noon.

Now that I am singleD, I am much wiser.
Kasama diyan ang dating at paghahanap 
ng "Ayuda One".

Pero di na po ako uulit! So when it comes to dating now, I am more choosy. More careful. I think thrice about going out with a person.

I have dated a couple of times after I became singleD. And each time, ito ang mga steps na ginagawa ko para masagot ang tanong na "Ayuda One?"

FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVE

On the first date, I size up the guy right away, looking for bad qualities and not focusing on the good ones. Yes, you read it right. Look for the bad qualities, focus on the negative. Maghunos dili, 'wag hayaang puro kilig lang. Why?

Noon, kapag may nakita akong good qualities, gaya ng cuteness at ka-guwapuhan, aba solved na ako! May nakita man akong negative, hindi ako dun nag-focus.

But I learned that when you see negative qualities in your date, remember it. Kung aabot kayo sa second date, third date, at finally maging kayo, believe me, those qualities will manifest again. And when you're finally married, those could be the cause of your major problem. So, please don’t ignore.

When you see negative qualities in your date, don't ignore them.

Huwag n'yo hayaang masilaw kayo sa positive qualities. More often than not, they don't last.

So look at both the positive and the negative qualities. Kung kaya pa naman baguhin ang negatives, go. But this should be bago ka mag-commit at kailangan may consistency.

TALK EXTENSIVELY

Sa first date pa lang, mga Nan-sis, kausapin mo na nang matagal. This is how you will find out if he is smart. Or if you share the same principles in life. Or if you can disagree intelligently on matters. On the first date pa lang, you can already gauge if same wavelength kayo.

Nung unang panahon, I didn’t really spend that much time getting to know my date. 'Yung isa, lagi lang akong kinakantahan. Sino nga naman ang hindi ma-i-inlab! Pero, puro kantahan, hindi na tuloy kami nagkakausap.

Isa pa, may times na I didn't quite care if matalino ang kasama ko. Para sa akin, kung mabait naman, puwede na rin. Pero in the long run, nawawala rin pala ang bait!

Eto pa, mga Nan-sis, meron din akong naka-date one time, ex-boyfriend kong singleD na din. Matalino naman siya, so I looked forward to it, pero bakit gano'n, sa tagal ng di namin pagkikita, wala kaming mapag-usapan?

I once dated an ex, who was also singleD,
but I ended up with lots of coffee refills
since we didn't find much to talk about.

Akala ko because we needed to catch up, it would give us a lot of things to talk about. Pero napadami ang refill ko ng kape ko, hindi pa rin siya nagsasalita! 

Ayuda the One? Can you actually engage in good conversation? Kung walang sense, please don't date him for the second time. Sayang ang oras mo.

LOOK FOR GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR

I am a fun person to be with. I crack jokes every now and then, and with a group of people, ako 'yung patawa.  So, it is important for me that the person has a good sense of humor. Ito yata ang isa sa mga qualities na nagustuhan ko in one of my exes. Kadalasan he would crack corny jokes. Yung tipong sa sobrang ka-kornihan, lalo kang matatawa.

Funny people are usually smart and witty. Look for this quality, mga Nan-sis, para din kapag things are not going so well, may mahuhugot na tawa't ngiti to lighten things up. 

MAKE SURE HE LISTENS

Make sure he has good sense of
humor and can ligthen things up for you.

This is another thing to look for if you want to answer the question, “Ayuda the One?" Nakikinig ba sa mga sinasabi mo ang ka-date mo?

If he only talks about himself, then chances are he has a blown-up ego.  Kunyari magtatanong sa iyo, tapos phrase pa lang ang nasabi mo, di ka pa nga nakabuo ng sentence, siya na uli ang nagkuwento tungkol sa sarili niya at sumagot ng sarili niyang tanong.

Mga dear Nan-sis, when you finally be with this person, then chances are, he will not also listen to you. 'Yung tipong palaging siya ang tama. Yung mga ganyan, baka may tama ... sa kukote!

IS HE A GENTLEMAN?

How do I define a true gentleman? Para sa akin, he is someone who, on your first date, knows how to practice social or physical distancing.  'Yung hindi asumero na dahil SingleD mom ka, he can get his way with you at madali kang bumigay. 

So, on the first date, mga Nan-sis, sana ang ka-date natin, marunong dumistansiya. Alam ang ikikilos.

Kasama na sa pagiging gentleman ang pagbukas ng pinto para sa ’yo, this includes the car door.  Call me conservative, but this is one sign of how he will also treat you in other situations when you're together. 

Alam n’yo po, there was a time na halos ako lagi ang nahuhuli sumakay sa sasakyan. Nakasakay na ang ka-date ko, tapos saka niya ako pagbubuksan ng pinto para makasakay (hindi po kasi automatic ang lock ng kotse).  Wala po siyang paki kung nasa madilim na lugar kami. Kaya ang feeling ko kapag may holdaper, ako unang lagot. 

So let’s observe if our dates and potential “Ayuda Ones” are gentlemen enough to do this. Kasi kung kaya ka iwan sa labas ng sasakyan, kaya ka din iwan sa ere. Hugot!

ASSESS THE FINANCIAL STABILITY AND CAPABILITY

Kayang-kaya ba ako bigyan ng ayuda nito? “Ayuda One” who can take me to different places and manage to pay for everything?

Allergic po ako talaga sa nakikipag-date tapos parang ayaw man lang magbukas ng wallet. Hindi ba masarap pa din para sa mga pa-girl na kagaya ko, that your date treats you during your date? 

So, if you are ready to go on a date, make sure that your date can at least spend for it. 

One of my enjoyable dates, a good breakfast treat.
 

Honestly speaking, kung walang budget ang ka-date ninyo, eh never mind. Lalo naman akong walang budget sa ganyan at SingleD mom nga ako. At higit sa lahat, mga Nan-sis, ayoko maging SingleD Sugar Mommy!

So, my advice, check him out... Better kung may sariling kotse ang ka-date natin. Sa age nating ito, mahirap makipag-agawan pa ng taxi o Grab. Kung wala man siyang car, at least he should make sure we'll be very comfortable sa date.

If you're ready to go on a date, make sure your date can at least pay for it. 

Check also what he does for a living. Does he work? As what? Which company? Does he have a business? What kind? Then you can gauge more or less how much he is making. 

Nung bagets pa po ako, kahit mag-tricycle lang kami ng ka-date ko papuntang SM, okay na ako.  Those were the days, but I was oh so young and in-love!

But this time, when you reached a certain age, we have to be more practical. Yes, mga Nan-sis, kailangan may spark, pero nawawala din 'yan pag ang usaping pera ay naging problema. 

My mom always used to tell me, ”Love goes out of the window when you have nothing to eat." We do not want to declare another dependent in our SSS or health card, tama po ba? 

So there, sana may natutunan kayo, mga Nan-sis, about dating, lalo na kung paano masasagot ang katanungang “Ayuda One?"

Let us not get tired of asking the question
"Ayuda One?"  Maybe  one day you will get a
YES for an answer.

Level 1 pa lang ‘yan. That means, getting to know stage.  But better take these tips into consideration so that you don’t end up wasting your time sa pagpapa-cute. And more importantly, you won’t end up committing the same mistakes you did with your past dates or relationships, or even worse, you might end up with someone na mas-grabe pa sa mga naging exes mo noon! So be careful mga Nan-sis. Is he your "Ayuda One"? 

Until then! Catch you later!

Nancy Mommy