Nancy Mommy Naging Daddy

By Nancy D. Galang, M.A.

Dad, 

Thank you for teaching me how to be a man, even though I'm your daughter.

From Pinterest

When I became a singleD mom, I also became a dad by default.

The absence of my ex (the father of my children) in our lives forced me to step into the daddy shoes. I thought it was hard but interesting.

In the beginning, mga Nan-sis (Nanay-sisters), the most difficult was making sure that I had all our loans and daily expenses covered. 

How did I deal with this daddy role of providing? I just accepted and embraced the fact that there was no one to rely on.

At that time, I was so overwhelmed with the financial matters I was facing that I had no time to wallow in self-pity. So I had to face them head-on. No time to be bitter, just all the time to get better.

Assuming the daddy role of providing for the family
means getting extra work as much as I can.

Another daddy duty was driving my kids to their parties, errands and school.  Mabuti na lang, after a time, they all learned to take the LRT and the jeepney.

As soon as Nastassia started college, she volunteered to start commuting.  The other two, Nadja and Rocky, who stayed at our rented condo (before the pandemic), learned to take the LRT to and from school every Monday and Saturday when they would come home.

Now I am also very thankful that we have the Grab transportation service, which is a convenient mode when they have  other lakads.

I am a singleD mom (and DAD) to Nix, Nastassia, Nadja, and Rocky.

Naalala ko tuloy ang isa pang sitwasyon na pumapel akong parang tatay (at tunay na matipunong lalaki) was during mga lipatan.

When Nadja moved in to her condo, followed by Rocky the year after, I had to be the kargador of some small appliances (electric fans, microwave, TV) and furniture (plastic drawers, small table, crates) which needed to be loaded to the car and unloaded to the condo later.

Of course, I will not discount the fact that the children did help, especially Rocky.

Another circumstance was when we had to move to our house, I did hire lipat-bahay people. But I still had to deal with “da boys,” a role which I would rather pass on to my husband if he was present.

Then there were circumstances like may masisira sa CR, like the flush or bidet.  Tawag sa tubero and deal with him. May papagawa na carpentry work, tawag sa karpentero and deal with him. May nag-short sa koryente, or light switch na sira, tawag sa electrician and deal with him.

Dealing with "da boys" in order to keep
my house in order is one of my daddy duties.

Of course iba pa 'yung pupunta ka sa hardware to buy the best quality but cost-friendly materials needed. Madali lang naman once you get used to it.  Sometimes lang talaga, pa-girl ako and I wish there was a man in the house who can deal with them.

But can you believe it, isa sa mga nasa bucket list ko ngayon ay ang matuto mag-drill ng wall?

Moreover, even the simple visits to the carwash push me to assume the daddy role.  But that is the easier part. Medyo a bit stressful kapag may nasira sa sasakyan. Tapos wala ka matawagan.  PANIC ATTACK!!!

I remember one time I was driving in the intersection of Congressional and Mindanao Avenue, when all of a sudden my car’s clutch won’t work! Tapos lahat sa likod ko nakabusina! I’m sure relate kayo d’yan, mga Nan-sis!

Mabuti na lang may two men na good Samaritan who helped me. And guess what? They owned a talyer pa! Pero ano ba naman naiinitindihan ko sa makina ng kotse? Although college pa lang I was already driving, wala naman akong alam kung di mag-ride and go!

Simple visits to the carwash push me to assume the daddy role.

Checking out dates and suitors of my children is another situation that pushes me to become a dad. Growing up, my dad was the one who was always very vocal about what he thought of my suitors; while my mom was the “kunsintidora” one and mostly kept what she thought about them especially if she knew I liked the guy.

Now, with my daughters, I would have wanted to be like my mom na kapag may dumalaw sa anak ko, I will just prepare food or drinks.

Of course mangingilatis din ako, but I did not see myself to be the one na magbabantay sa sala at magbabasa ng diyaryo. That was so like my dad! ‘Yung kapag umakyat na siya, kunyari tulog na, pero sa totoo lang, nakatuwad at nakasilip sa may stairs, nagbabantay ng kaganapan!

I wish I can protect my daughters the way my dad protected all the girls in our family. 

There was one time when an ex-boyfriend stayed until early morning. When it was time to go, the alarm went off and my dad went down with a rifle! That BF had to hide in the CR! Later on, he told me, while hiding behind the door, he saw the barrel of the rifle! Kaya yata di kami nagkatuluyan dahil sa incident na ‘yun!

In any case, ang point ko lang is sana may mahigpit na bantay din sa bahay. Iba pa rin kasi kung daddy, di ba? Mas takot ang suitors. Therefore, mas magpapakatino.

But then, since I am a singleD-mom-and-a-dad-in-one, I would find myself hanging out in the sala especially when any of the suitors or boyfriends are around.

Pero mas OK pa rin 'yung may ka-tandem akong lalaki sa mga ganitong bagay.  It is not easy assessing the character of a person who wants to be in the life of any of my children when you only have your judgement to rely on.

Looking back, my dad would always call me when meeting my suitors for the first time. Ang kanyang katanungan: “Ano'ng future mo d’yan?

I will always yearn for my children to experience
the kind of love and protection I got from my dad. 

Back then, sasagot lang ako ng, “Dad, di pa ’ko mag-aasawa." Of course, later, I was able to realize that parents will alwaya be right.

Now that I am a singleD mom, I appreciate my dad even more than when I was married. Kasi despite the challenges of their marriage while raising nine children, he did not "make" my mom a DAD --- because he was always around.

In fact, he spoiled my mom by giving her all that she needed and wanted. That spoiling and providing well extended to us – especially to me.

Oh how I miss being spoiled and being daddy's little

girl!

 I wish I had a "ka-tandem" in raising my
kids the way my dad was with my mom in raising
all their nine children.

I miss the looking after as far as suitors are concerned (kunyari madami!). I miss going up to him and telling him I am on the Dean’s list or that I won the position I ran for in the Student Council. Then he’d say “Manang-mana ka talaga sa ’kin!”

I miss living with him and my mom and not having to worry about anything.

I just simply miss his tender, tough, loving care which has made me the tough singleD mom (and dad) that I am.

I wish I had married someone like him (baka naman hindi pa huli ang lahat).

He is the best father one could ever have, mga Nan-sis. That’s why I wish he will stay with us for at least ten more years.

MY IDOL. Ang daddy kong guapo, matalino, mabait,
mapagmahal sa asawa't mga anak , etc. etc.

Kaya before I end this, let me greet my dad a Happy Father’s Day!.  The same goes to all dads who are so generously reading this blog right now.  Kasama s'yempre lahat ng mga male friends ko, married or singleD dads alike.  If you are with your children, lalo na sa mga singleD dads, IDOL ko po kayo! Rare species na po yata ang mga lalaking hindi pababayaan o pinabayaan (kung s’ya man ay naging singleD dad) na mawalay sa kanilang mga anak. So, keep up the good work!

Until then! Catch you later!

Nancy Mommy (and Daddy)