10 Things my SingleD Self Wishes to Tell the 20 yr. old Me

By Nancy D. Galang, M.A. 

"Your 20's are your selfish years. It's a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all aspects of you." - Kyoko Escamilla

How I want to be young and in my twenties again!

Back then, I did not have enough wisdom and have not yet discovered my "powers" as a woman or what I was capable of doing.

Now, I can only look back and wish I did better.

So, if given the chance, what are the things I would I tell my 20 something self?

On Pursuing Goals and Dreams

1. Know what you want and go after it.

I was almost 21 when I graduated from Maryknoll (now Miriam College) and like most of us when we were in our twenties, madami tayong gustong gawin. This is usually the age when we dream big and are so enthusiastic to reach them.

 March 1990: A fresh grad at 20.

I wanted to study further and live in the U.S. My greatest dream was to work at Disneyland or at Disney studios.

Pero I did not prioritize my own goals while I was young. Kasi siyempre, na-in love. Pinigilan ng jowa. Sumunod naman. Oweno ko ngayon? Anyare?

2. The world is yours to conquer.

Madami akong gusto nung bata ako. Gusto ko  mag-artista! Gusto ko mag-model! Gusto ko maging news anchor. Seryoso 'yan! Kaso hindi ko naisip na kaya ko. 'Yun pala, ang sikreto lang para makamit mo lahat is to just WANT it.

2012                      1989

Had I known the fact that anything is possible to achieve if you set your mind and heart to it, di sana isa na 'kong sikat na starlet ngayon. Haha. Seriously, then maybe successful na ako at a younger age and nagawa ko na lahat ng gusto ko.

3. Know what you are capable of and empower yourself.

Gaya ng nabanggit ko, hindi ko agad nadiskubre ano mga kakayanan ko. Then I became too serious in a relationship before I could do so.

Mas naging busy ako sa activities ng jowa ko. Mali pala 'yun kasi may tendency na mawala "ka." 'Yung ikaw.

So I would tell the 20 year old me to focus on self-development and discovering myself before getting into a serious relationship.

2020                  1990

4. Once you have reached your goal of having a job, save money and invest while you can.

This was something I did not give priority to. Having a secured life pala should start while you're young.

When I had my first two jobs before getting married, I looked forward to paydays so I can go to the mall and shop for clothes. Wala ako talaga na-save.

So I would tell the younger me, "Save a portion of your monthly salary in the bank."

1990                      2020

On Love and Relationships

5. Know who you want and run after him.

Haha. Mga Nan-sis (Nanay-sisters), joke lang ah. Not really "run" after him ang ibig ko sabihin. Maybe "choose" is a more appropriate term.

I was 16 when (I thought) I fell in love. Yung unang dumalaw sa 'kin at inaraw-araw ang pagpunta sa bahay ko, nainlab agad ako! Naisip ko, guwapo naman at ma-effort (pero looking back di pala effort 'yun kasi walking distance lang ang bahay nila!)

Anyway, sa tingin ko it was not until I was 20 that I think I met my soulmate, but I let him go. Charot.

2019                       1989

So if I had the chance, I will tell my younger self to go for that person, who, (looking back now) was the one who sincerely loved me - at least that's what I think.  Naks.

6. Walk away once you see a red flag.

Pagdating sa relationships, dapat kapag may nakita kang signs telling you that something is off, or may ipinakita sa 'yo na hindi maganda, or any unbecoming reaction to a situation, these are red flags to be wary of.

In my case, since I had 5 boyfriends before I got married, madami din akong na-experience na red flags - but too personal to mention and too many to mention (ay parang slumbook pag tinanong ang "who is your crush"). But 'yun nga, kapag in-lab ka, ang mga red flags, parang namumuti!

So if I were to talk to my twenty something self, I'd say, "Marami pang iba d'yan." As my mom kept saying back then "Collect and collect, then select!"

2019                   1990

7. Do not settle for anything less than you deserve.

Yes, it sounds cliche. Madami na nagsabi sa atin nito after every break-up na "You deserve better, Sis." Pero in my case, balik pa rin ako nang balik. 'Yun nga, as a twenty something Nancy, di ko kaagad na-realize ang powers ko. I settled.

But mind you, this does not only apply to love relationships. It applies to basically how people treat you every single day, this includes in our homes and workplace. So, kung may katwiran, ipaglaban mo!

8. Get married at 30.

There is no right age to get married as they say. But what I only mean here is make sure you are mature enough,  mentally, emotionally, and financially(!), when you decide to get married.

I got married at 24. Nung panahon namin, 'yan ang more or less average age of getting married.

But given the chance, I would tell my younger self, "Nancy, sure ka na ba? Kung hindi ka sure, huwag!"

Honestly, days before I got married, mga Nan-sis, ayoko na po ituloy. Yes I had doubts, but I did not listen to my inner voice. Di ba nga signal number 3 pa nung ikinasal kami.

Pero walang bagyo, walang duda ang tumalab sa akin! Goww, gowww, gowww, Nancy! Tuloy ang kasal! And di ko rin naman pinagsisihan because we were blessed with four great kids.

Being prepped up for my wedding.
December 1993.

Pero p'wede naman pala i-delay. Manigurado. Kumilala ng iba, lalo na kung may doubts pa. Because this will not only be unfair to you, but to your BF or GF as well.

On Family and Friends

9. Listen to your parents and older siblings.

The 20's version of me was impulsive and made decisions on a whim.

Natatandaan ko isang instance when I didn't listen. That was when my dad told me not to quit my first job at ABS CBN as Segment Producer for the show "Mel and Jay." Sabi n'ya sa akin, "Aralin mo lang muna kahit mababa ang suweldo. Bihira ang ganyang opportunity."

With dad, 1990

Pero ayun di nga po ako nakinig. Nagsisi ako, sobra. The desire in my heart to go back was always there. It was years after when I was able to go back and work for the same TV network.

10. Party hard with your friends while you're young.

The twenty something me was not really fond of parties. I just wanted to catch your attention. So what I really mean is, while you're young, enjoy the company of your friends. Travel with them, if you must. That's when you'll also meet more people and get yourself more exposed to the world.

Nung bata ako, di talaga ako mabarkada. School at bahay lang usually. Then work at bahay. Then nag-asawa na ako. Siyempre, kapag married ka na, priority na dapat ang asawa at mga bata. I really got to enjoy my friends after I got separated.

Well I hope you realize, mga Nan-sis, that this does not mean I am living with any regrets. Nagmumuni-muni lang naman kung ano ang babaguhin ko kung p'wede ako mag-time travel.

Knowing that I have tried to live my life better and more meaningfully now is more than enough for me.

Feeling twenty and still trying to get 
to where I want to be! 

Pero come to think of it, these may be valuable pieces of advice we can now give to our own children, nieces, and nephews.

Of course, di ko din naman kayo pipigilan na mag-feeling 20 tayo, so that we always feel that it is not too late for anything and age is just a number.

Until then! Catch you later!

Nancy Mommy