Nadja's Story: Dealing with Your Child's Depression: Part 2

By: Nancy D. Galang, M.A.

"You don't have to struggle in silence. You can be un-silent. You can live well with a mental health condition, as long as you open up to somebody about it." - Demi Lovato

When I found out that my youngest daughter Nadja had Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), I experienced another major heartbreak.  It was one of those moments when you tell yourself, "Ayoko nito, Lord, 'wag ito (not this kind of trial)."  But I also knew, it was something na wala akong magagawa, something na nandiyan na, inilatag sa harap ko and once again, I had to face it nang buong tapang.  

In Part 1, I described our first brush with depression and what Nadja was going through. And I did promise to tell you about what it was that I think I did right to help us go through this part of our journey.

Actually, hindi lang ito isang bagay. Madami akong ginawa. Rather, madami "kaming" ginawa ni Nadja. Pati na ang G Skwad, siyempre kasama.

1.  Accept the situation. 

Una, I had to fully accept it was real -- that it was real for my daughter Nadja.  Yes, it was happening to my own daughter. Mga Nan-sis (Nanay-sisters), you may think na dahil kahit papaano ay madami na akong pinagdaanan, madali na lang kahit ano pang challenges at trials ang dumating.  

Well, hindi.  Lalo na when it involves my kids.  I guess lahat naman tayong mga magulang, mas kaya nating harapin maski anong pagsubok, huwag lang 'yung involved ang mga anak natin. And although this one was tough because I felt so powerless, I had to accept it, and this brings me to the next step I took.

2.  Surrender and trust.

I felt completely powerless in this situation.  It is something na hindi na yata kaya ng isang "super mom" na solusyunan.  Marami tayong mga super moms out there and we know our capabilities in problem-solving and multi-tasking.  

This one, hindi madali. Kung p'wede ko ngang ipasa sa iba, gagawin ko.  But since I know I couldn't and it was beyond my control and IT WAS HAPPENING to us, I quickly surrendered this battle to God.  I trusted Him fully that He will not forsake me and my child.  

3.  Let the rest of the family know.

As soon as I accepted Nadja's condition, I told the G Skwad about it.  I thought, kailangan nilang maintindihan ang pinagdadaanan ni Nadja, so they can give her the proper support. 

One's battle is the G Skwad's battle. The support and understanding I got from this team took off half the load from the ordeal.

More importantly, they had to understand that I need to give more attention to her while we were fighting the battle of depression.  So, kailangan muna nila ding mag-step back sa sarili nilang mga pangangailangan kung kaya naman nila. In that way, they supported me also.

4. Seek professional help.  

I have always been a believer of the saying, "Nasa tao ang gawa, nasa Diyos ang awa." So I did not waste time figuring out what I can do in my (human) powers to help solve this problem.  

Isa sa mga una kong sinabi ko kay Nadja was "Talk to me."  Ang feeling ko, kailangan ko lang makinig, kaya ko naman mag-advise maski ano ang problema n'ya.  But NO, this was not one of those.  It was not those moments when mommy can come to the rescue and mawawala na ang problema.  It was mental and emotional at the same time. 

So hindi ko talaga alam how it was like deep inside her. I had to realize that I can only support her and make sure she gets treatment from both a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

5.  Find a doctor that you can really trust.

I have been very blessed to have a good friend na psychologist, si Agnes Agbayani, who was my classmate in grade school. She also runs Life Change and Recovery Center.  

With my grade school classmate and good
friend Agnes, who is also Nadja's psychologist.

As I mentioned in my last blog, after her assessment of Nadja, she referred us to their psychiatrist, Dr. Randy Dellosa.  

Pero may kuwento rin ako about this.  Hindi ba nabanggit ko na isa sa pinakamahirap was to find the brand of medicine na hiyang kay Nadja?  Dumating sa point na I wanted to consult another doctor kasi bakit ganun? Ang tagal bago naging OK si Nadja.  By OK I mean, less breakdowns and more "normal" ang way of thinking n'ya at emotions. Above all, no thoughts of self-harm.  

Ilang buwan din na hindi ako matahimik. Ilang beses din na sinabi ko kay Agnes, "Ako naman yata ang may depression. Parang kailangan ko din mag-consult." Pero tiwala lang na makukuha din namin ang hiyang na gamot. And we did.

6.  Provide support all the way.

The support I mentioned meant providing her total understanding of what she was going through.  This meant doing research and a lot of reading on her condition. Ano nga ba ang Major Depressive Disorder, symptoms, and treatment nito?  I made sure alam ko lahat 'yun. This made it a bit easier for me to understand her at maging mas-patient sa kanya. 

Kasi sa totoo lang, ang taong may depression, they cannot control what is happening to them, kahit gustong-gusto nila to NOT be where they are.

7.  Have lots of patience.

Speaking of patience, mga Nan-sis, alam naman natin na kapag may problema sa anak natin or may problema ang anak natin, we need a lot of patience.  

In this case, hindi lang basta "ordinary" patience na kasi tayo ang magulang, mas matanda tayo and, therefore, tayo ang mas nakakaintindi.  Patience here means wala kang magagawa kapag nag-breakdown s'ya kundi ang tutukan s'ya, hintayin na maging OK s'ya, and pray so hard na matapos ang current episode na 'yun.  

Minsan the episode comes unexpectedly because it is triggered by a very small thing.  Minsan may nasabi lang ako that affected her, nagtuloy-tuloy na.  

Normally, you can just tell your kid, "Tama na 'yan, OA na!" Or, "Don't make a big deal out of such a trivial matter."  But no, sa mga taong may depression, they can easily be triggered by a small thing and have a very BIG reaction to it.  And the frustrating part is that hindi mo s'ya basta puwede pagalitan.  You cannot react negatively.  

The secret... just wait. Matatapos din ang breakdown. 

8.  Always act out of love.

My unconditional love for my children is always my motivation to keep going, no matter what. To them, I am their role model, perhaps the epitome of strength. So as much as possible, I do not want to show them my vulnerability. Hindi puwedeng sabay kaming bagsak or down.  Yung isa dapat malakas, so the other one can draw strength.  

I will be very honest, that I had and still have sleepless crying nights sa mga pinagdadaanan ko when it feels so overwhelming. But when I think about my love for my kids, lumalakas ulit ako and I just tell myself, "Kayanin mo, wala ka naman choice!"

9.  Take it one day at a time.  

If you remember my blog "51 Life Lessons from a SingleD Mom," I mentioned there that the way I approach and live my life now is that I do not make big plans for the future anymore.  And I apply this to my problem-solving as well.  

Malaki man o maliit, lagi namang may solusyon. Maybe hindi agad-agad. Hindi sa araw na inaasaahan mo na tapos na. Pero, when you take things one day at a time (no matter how big your problem is, na parang insurmountable na) it does not become overwhelming.  

Hindi ko na iniisip na dapat bukas solved na ito, na dapat ganito, ganyan.  Basta ginawa namin ni Nadja ang best namin each day at nairaos namin na OK s'ya, that was a big achievement.

 Bringing home the gold with her Sayawatha team
from Miriam College back in 2015 at the Dance
Worlds competition held in Orlando, Florida, USA.

10. Celebrate her everyday triumphs with her condition.  

I call Nadja's medicine, her "happy pills," while she lightens her condition further by calling it "crazy pills." Araw-araw, I check with her if she has taken it, to the point na minsan nakukulitan na s'ya sa akin. Pero kailangan eh. 

And alam n'yo, mga Nan-sis, 'yung cooperation lang n'ya to faithfully take her meds is a cause for celebration each day.  I tell her, "Very good!"  Tapos, kapag OK ang araw n'ya at masaya s'ya, MAS masaya ako! 

If you feel like you are suffering from depression 
(no matter what your age is), I really hope you 
take the first (but bravest) step of telling someone.

Who would think na one day we will come to a point na masaya na kami basta OK lang s'ya sa bawat araw? Walang malaking bagay na kailangan na mangyari or ma-achieve, basta OK lang s'ya.

11.  Work harder.

Although I have been an employee and, of course, was receiving steady monthly salary, lagi akong nag-iisip, paano ako kikita ng extra-income? Mahal ang hourly consultation.  Mahal ang gamot.  Usually hindi naman ito kasama sa budget.  Pero kailangan. 

Sa totoo lang, hindi naman kasya sa lahat ng monthly bills and expenses, ammortizations, ang suweldo ko.  Kaya't need talaga rumaket. Wala naman akong natatanggap na tulong sa taong inaasahan ko na tumulong sana sa amin. Pero, imbes na mag-dwell ako d'yan, work hard na lang ang beauty ko.

12.  Believe in your child (or any loved one) when they tell you they need help.

Please, mga Nan-sis, do not ignore it when someone calls your attention that they may be undergoing depression.  Persistent symptoms of sadness, lack of motivation to go about their daily activities, change in eating habits, self-loathing, irritability, etc. (i-research n'yo na lang po), are all signs to look out for.  

So there, mga Nan-sis, those are mostly the steps we took para harapin at labanan ang depression. 

Nadja is still fighting her battle with just little 
and very seldom "crying" moments. But I have
very strong faith that we will reach 100% recovery soon. 

I will not end this story with number 12, though.  If you read Part 1, I wrote there that I kept on praying that one day, Nadja will be off her medicines for depression.  After all, sino ba naman magulang ang gustong maging dependent na lang sa gamot ang anak nila? So while I believe that medicines and psychotherapy really helped her, my faith that God can give us the best cure is greater.  

May ending na po para sa akin ang battle na ito (I am claiming it!) because Nadja has been off her meds for two months and she is OK!

You know how it happened? After my dad passed on, we had a family gathering in Lipa to be with our siblings from abroad.  She forgot to bring her medicines and she missed it for two days. She told me that when she forgot to take it and realized it at the end of the day but she was OK, she told herself, "Wow, I survived today!"  

Na-touch ako dito, sobra. Kasi iba-iba tayo ng meaning for the word "SURVIVAL."  Para sa amin, ito na ang survival namin.

We all have different definitions of daily survival:
To us, it was being able to go about the day
without Nadja having a bout of depression.  

Anyway, after two days of missing her meds, she said she wanted to try to take half dose. Sabi ko, go ahead. She did this for a day and she was OK.  Then she said she wanted to try to stop taking it. And because I could monitor her as she was with me 24 hours a day, I said yes to her. 

(CAUTION: It is still advisable to consult your doctor before stopping your meds. Ako po naglakas-loob lang kasi nga when she missed it for 2 days at OK naman s'ya, I wanted to take that chance that she can be OK for the rest of her days without it.)

And here we are. Wala na munang gamot, pero lagi ko pa din s'yang inoobserbahan, araw-araw kinukumusta as much as I can. 

Ngayon, hindi lang OK si Nadja, instead, she is more than OK! Kasi aside from just going about her daily activities, super ganado s'ya to achieve more things.  

Learning to NEVER give up and PRAYING 
incessantly are two things Nadja and I
both learned while facing this trial.

To date, she has performed in a music video, appeared in three TVCs (TV commercials), continues to teach dancing online, and the most important achievement? She turned her situation into something positive!

One of her TV commercials with Sarah G. 

Tiktok.edu (social media platform) contacted her to do "edutok," where she would post 15 videos a month on mental health (and even gets paid for it).

So it is very true, mga Nan-sis, that everything happens for a reason.  This happened to us because Nadja was going to be an instrument of God to help other kids out there.  And we decided to tell this story because this blog entry might also help others.  One life we save gives meaning to what we went through. 

To God be the glory! 

Until then, mga Nan-sis! Catch you later!

Nancy Mommy

P.S. Here's the link to the MTV "Sisa", where she performed just recently. 

https://youtu.be/ixKclyt7bgA

If you feel you need help with depression, here are the contact details of Life Change and Recovery Center: 0917 520 3509/415-79-64 /415-65- 29.