14 Love Lessons I Have Learned After I Became SingleD

                By Nancy D. Galang

Five exes, two true loves, 1 greatest love. What 
have I learned, really?

 1. Do not look for love because it will find you. 

Kung talagang di pa dumarating ang inyong Ayuda One (Are You the One), 'wag n'yo na i-push, mga Nan-sis. I learned that I failed in many relationships because I was always looking for love, and I was probably in love with the concept of being in love. 

If someone is meant for you, magtatagpo ang inyong landas sa tamang panahon.

When I met the one I married for the first time, I just came from a breakup which I initiated, but found to be a wrong move. So therefore, I was broken-hearted. 

1990. Fresh from break-up with boyfriend
number 4, I jumped right into another
relationship. 

Then the one I married came, and out of wanting to be in a romantic relationship, sinagot ko s'ya. Looking back, I was not healed yet from my previous relationship.

So, ang point ko, let love happen to you naturally. And let it come to you at the right time. 

My belief: Love happens to you. You don't
 make it happen. 

2. Romantic love fades and eventually what stays is your commitment to love.

Hindi lahat ng oras cute ang jowa n'yo. Tama ba ako? Sa totoo lang, kapag matagal na kayong magkasama, nakalantad na ang mga bad traits, liabilities, irritating habits! At pag ganyan na, romansa pa ba more, mga Nan-sis? 

Ang ibig sabihin ko lang dito, ang pagiging in-love or ang romantic love ay nawawala. Kaya napakahalaga na may commitment na mahalin ang isa't isa kahit hindi na kayo cute at nakakairita na!

And COMMITMENT is a big word. I know this now, after my failed marriage. Kailangang bigyan ng todo effort, ubusan ng powers para matupad ang commitment.

3. Pag mahal mo ang isang tao, you should forgive and accept his/her shortcomings, no matter how BIG. 

Sabi nila, love means never having to say you're sorry. On the contrary, admitting your mistakes and asking for forgiveness matter when you love the person. And when that happens hindi ba ang sarap patawarin ang mahal natin at bigyan ng second chance?

Perhaps forgiveness would have played
a major role in saving my marriage.
But it was a choice we both did not
make at that time.

Kaya hindi ko maintindihan ang mga taong nagsasabing nagmamahalan sila, but when one makes a major mistake, di kaya magpatawad sa isa't-isa at pride na ang nangingibabaw. Nasaan na ang love? 

4. We should be careful not to mistake infatuation with love. 

Marami sa atin kapag nakaramdam ng kilig, akala nila in-love na sila. Or kapag malalim ang admiration nila sa isang tao, e love na 'yun.

Based on my experience, binibigyan po ng oras ang love to develop. There is no such thing as love at first sight. So do not mistake love with infatuation. 

Kapag lumipas na ang ilang buwan, better if years, and you still truly admire and want to be with this person, then baka nga love na 'yan.  

Paki-imagine na lang din if kayo magkakatuluyan, what would it be like? Kaya mo ba na gumising araw-araw tapos pagmumukha n'ya makikita mo, tapos bad breath s'ya at hahalikan ka n'ya? And then after ilang dekada, nakapustiso na s'ya, gusto mo pa rin ba? If the answer is YES, then it must be love.

5. It is very important to know your love language and that of your partner.

Love language. Ito 'yung ways na maipapakita mo sa isang tao na mahal mo s'ya. At bawat isa sa atin may love language. For example, ang love language ko is showing affection and assurance through words and gestures. Gusto ko 'yung malambing.

Yung iba probably want to be showered with gifts. 'Yung iba naman through service nila nararamdaman na mahal sila.

It is important na alam natin ang love language ng partner natin para alam natin what makes him or her feel loved and we can do so accordingly. I think this is a big factor in making a relationship work. 

Can you imagine, now I realize, I never knew the love language of my ex-husband.

6. Self love muna, bago love for another person.

Cliche' as it may sound, there is a saying that your cup should be full before you can truly love someone.  This was so true for me, I did not realize that a lot of my needs as a person were not being fulfilled as an individual. I realized hindi ako buo, ni hindi ko nga masyado kilala sino ako, ano ang kakayanan ko, ano ang nagpapasaya sa akin. So how can I truly love someone else and give a part of me, if ako mismo hindi buo? 

I am still in the process of actually really
"knowing" myself and figuring out what
would make me happy and whole.

So para sa akin, kailangan your person is whole before you can even share yourself with someone.

7. Fight for the one you love until maubos ang powers mo.

Hindi ba ang tunay na pagmamahal, does not give up easily? So kung natagpuan n'yo na ang mahal n'yo, ipaglaban n'yo maski anong challenges. To the best of your ability at gamitin lahat ng powers! 

Ako, again and again, lumaban ako hanggang huli. Pero 'yun nga, may mga relationships na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi meant to be. Or perhaps, hanggang doon na lang.  So there is also a time to let go. 

8. Give love a second chance and more. Malay mo jumackpot ka rin.

Marami sa atin, kagaya ko na singleD, comes out of a failed relationship so broken and traumatized that we do not want to ever love and commit again.

Looking towards the future, I am still hopeful I
will find my Ayuda One. 

Although parang nariyan ako sa stage na 'yan right now, sa tingin  ko naman one day, magmamahal pa rin ako, and I will show my vulnerability to another person again (charot!).

Beke nemen (baka naman) tumama din at maka-jackpot! 

9. When love fades, accept that that is the ending, then cherish the lovely memories you had with the person.

I learned that though you may have felt and knew deep in your heart that you loved the person, nawawala din pala 'yun. It's so sad na what was once so lovely, puwede matabunan ng galit at hatred. And then the love just fades away. (Teka bakit parang naiiyak ako? Lekat!)

But see, I am tired of hating. I just want to cherish the good memories I had with him. Maybe this will help me thread on more lightly for the rest of my journey as a singleD person. Tama ba 'ko, mga Nan-sis?

10. The most painful part of loving is letting go.

Hay, mga Nan-sis. Ito para sa akin ang pinakasalimuot na parte ng pagmamahal. Minsan, gaya nga ng nabanggit ko, hindi meant to be, so kahit mahal mo pa at lumaban ka pa, there is a time to let go. At ito ang pinakamasakit. 

In my case, 22 years was not easy to just let go of. I did not want to just throw it away. Marami na kaming nalagpasan na pagsubok, I had to bear that in mind. Kaya ayoko mag give-up. But he did. And when your partner does this, kailangan alam mo na tama na. Let go. 

Just deal with the pain and move on. Tama na ang kahibangan, gurl. 

11. Not everyone you love or not everyone who loves you will stay.

Sabi nga nila, some people come into your life to teach you a lesson, but are not meant to stay. 

Na-experience ko na ito, mga Nan-sis. It was magical to be with this person. But we both knew it will not last. Kakainis, di ba? 

But yes, madami akong natutuhan sa kanya at sa sitwasyon na 'yun. Kung ano-ano 'yun, sa akin na lang po! 

12. Love is never having to chase someone.

Huwag maghabol. Huwag magmakaawa (pero guilty ako sa ganito). Kung mahal ka ng isang tao, hindi s'ya magpapahabol. That is just ego on his part. So hindi mo kailangan habulin. Lalo  na kung mabilis ang takbo. Baka may ibang tatakbuhan na e.

13.  When you love someone, it is rather easy to see through his or her soul.

Have you ever been with somebody na when you first meet him, magaan na magaan ang loob mo sa kanya and it's like you have known each other for years? 

Then this person knows you more than anyone else in the world? Appreciates you and what you do no matter what? Always sees the good in you?

Then huwag n'yo na yan pakawalan, mga Nan-sis! Baka soulmate n'yo 'yan kasi he is able to see the real you in a deep way, perhaps in ways not seen by many. 

14. In love ka kapag may feeling ka na lutang after ng first kiss nyo. 

Haha. Winner ito, mga Nan-sis, kaya ito ang pang finale! Kapag first kiss n'yo ng date mo at walang spark, 'lam na. Dapat unang kiss, feel na! 

Kailan ko kaya ito ulit mararamdaman? Sana all may ka-kissing this V-Day, ano? Mapalad kayo na may rason para mag-toothbrush sa February 14! 

I am happy for those na happy in their relationships. At para sa mga kakosa ko, don't fret, it is only ONE day.  Walang masama sa pag-amin  na inggit much tayo. Pero di ba we should be happy for the success of our neighbors? Isa pa, may 364 days pa naman sa isang buong taon na hindi natin mararamdaman ang nakaka-torture na pagkainggit. At kahit wala tayong date, puwede pa rin naman tayong magpaganda at mag-feeling fabulous not just sa V-Day but any other day of the year. 

My advice sa mga walang Valentino this 
February 14, put on your best make-up, 
get into your favorite dress, and mag-pictorial.
Lakas maka-feeling maganda at maka-feel
good. Before you know it, tapos na ang araw.
(Siyempre lagyan ng filter ang picture bago 
i-post!) 

Kaya, mga Nan-sis, Happy V-Day sa inyong

lahat!

Until then.  Catch you later! 

Nancy Mommy