In Celebration of my (SingleD) Womanhood

(This blog is dedicated to all the great women I have come to know. They were those who shared their own struggles and successes with me and I in turn, was blessed and inspired. I was able to gather pictures of some of them, but surely there are more of these women friends, colleagues, and relatives who I never had a picture with. In the captions below each picture, I shared why I celebrate these women)

I  am proud to have transformed to the woman that I am now.

In celebration of Women's month, allow me to look back on my journey as a woman. 

How did I come to be? 

The first man in my life, my dad, always taught me to go after my dreams and to achieve all the goals I have set for myself. He tried to instill in me how to make the right choice with men (but obviously failed). He did not want me to lose my own identity once I got married (if he had his way, he did not want me to get married at all).  He was the first man to be proud of whatever I achieved, big or small. And it stayed that way until his last breath. 

With Menchie Silvestre, former boss, schoolmate, co-officer in Miriam College. (Pinasan mag-isa ang pamilya, but if she had her way, buong mundo papasanin.) Kung puwede lang, pati problema mo, e siya na din ang mag-solve!)

 

So the Nancy that I was in college, was the fruition of all that he taught me. I did well in my academics, engaged myself in many extra-curricular activities. I was a dean's lister and was President of the Student Council. I took my MA shortly after college. I always knew that things can happen once I set my mind to it because my dad taught me to believe in myself. 

  With Karen Galarpe, long time friend, kumare and classmate at UP graduate studies (pareho ko din na singleD mom, despite her challenges, her calm and quiet presence is something I really admire, pero di ko talaga kaya gayahin!) 

My mom, on the other hand, was a perfect example of a loyal housewife, a practical and industrious mother who managed to raise all nine of us, almost all by herself (even while she worked) while dad was out everyday, working for the family. And so I am sure that I got from her that nurturing and loving side of my womanhood.

With my mommy Anita David Galang, madaming pinagdaanan in raising all nine of us. Yet
she remained graceful and beautiful. (number one 
kunsintidora ko at gatungera) 

My ex-husband was definitely another influential person on the kind of woman that I am today. And so were the other two men I truly loved. 

I was 16 when we met. For about a year or two, we were the best of friends. I was infatuated. I was head over heels. Until one day he told me, "May girlfriend na nga pala ako".  Ouch. Ang sakit. Pero, bestfriend naman daw n'ya ako, kaya it was okay to continue with what we had. 

Looking back now, parang "kabit" pala ako.  Haha. 

With Cherry Bayle, colleague and soul sistah from Radyo 5. (Isa sa mga "surprising" and "touching" stories na narinig ko ang buhay niya. Mapapa "huwatttt?" ka talaga. Pero, isa siyang tunay na survivor in the real sense of the word!)

His home visits went on. The landline telebabads (na nakaka-bad trip at hassle kapag inangat na ng party line!) continued until the wee hours of the morning. The invites to go to his shows (he's an artist), with the assurance that he did not invite his GF because I was the one he invited, were a constant practice in our "friendship."

After a while, I realized, I was hurting. Pero I wanted to keep him because I loved him. But I had to make a decision and I had to make a stand. So I told him, we cannot be "bestfriends" anymore (isa siyang malaking kahibangan, I realized). It was probably my first bitter taste of what it was like to finally be a "woman" whose heart was broken for the first time. But I was proud that I made that decision to walk away. 

With Carol Reyes Navarro: former student
and my clone because we have the same
interests in TV work, filmmaking, and she has
 also become a college teacher. Above all, we share the same palpak decisions on men, haha. 
 (marami na ding pinagdaanan at pinagdadaanan pa pero di ko papabayaan na sumuko! She is a FIGHTER like me)

At almost 18, I started dating again. Eto na naman ako, tinamaan na naman ni kupido (char!). This guy was my first kiss and we dated until I was in 4th year college. So ang feeling ko this time, I was already a woman. Lakas maka-dalaga ng unang halik. Haha.

Kaso, hindi ko kinaya ang inconsistency. Now you see him, now you don't. Nung mga landline days pa naman, kapag hindi ka na tinawagan, it was the equivalent of "ghosting." Lakas maka-Bea at Gerald.

With HS classmate and one of my best friends
and kumare, Liza Villamil-Tongson. (isa sa pinaka-mahinhin, decent at simpleng babae na nakilala ko. Bata pa lang, madami ng challenges. HS palang kami, magkadamay na. Hindi ako sinukuan. Laging all out support sa akin; she & husband Joey, are my idols sa larangan ng marriage. Maaga man siyang nag-asawa, maaga din naman silang naging successful yet have remained down to earth and generous) 

So when I met another guy who was tall, dark and handsome, I decided to just try and forget about him. This one was kind, hardworking, loving to his mom, sister, and brothers. Above all, he truly loved me. Kaso ang babae, hindi basta-basta nakakalimot. Kapag tinamaan, her emotions remain deep and consistent. Kaya nung tumawag ulit si first kiss, I dropped this one like a hot potato. 

Ang feeling ko, at 19 that time, I could make that choice, and I did. Again, lakas maka-empowered woman! 

With one of my bosses at Radyo 5, 
Ms. Gladys Lana Lucas. (isa sa pinakamatapang na babaeng nakilala ko, yung kahit may
pinagdadaanan, laging positibo pa din kaya 
nakaka-inspire na huwag akong maging
nega at reklamador)

So back to my first kiss. After a just a few dates, he left me again. I was in the middle of doing my thesis when he had to finally leave. This time, I was devastated. Kasi, naisip ko na 'yung possibility na baka kami ang magkatuluyan. Meaning, I had images of us as a husband and wife. But I had to back off, kasi may iba na. 

This time, I started really "adulting." So goodbye na kay first kiss. Ni hindi nga kami nakapag-proper goodbye, so walang "last kiss". Haha. 

With Desiree Lazo- Bamba, one of my bestfriends
(also a singleD mom with 3 kids, isa sa mga 
idols ko kasi ang galing mag-alaga sa sarili
at mag-provide sa kanyang mga anak)

I tried to win back my tall, dark, and handsome. Pero ayaw na niya. He was too hurt. So I left as soon as he said he didn't want me back. Pero, I had to accept the consequence of my action. And I am this woman until now. When I do something, I am always ready for the consequences. 

With one of my BFFs Patty Calupitan-Trivino.
 (Isa sa mga hinahangaan ko kasi she has her
family and marriage intact. Bukod dun, she
provided me with sensible chats during "those"
days. At higit sa lahat "journalistic reports" from Chowking, Sta. Rosa, Laguna. Haha.)

I was sad and I missed him terribly for months, and wished I could have done more to win him back. Pero nung panahon natin, mga Nan-sis, being a woman meant you cannot chase the one you love. Pangit tingnan kapag ipinaglaban mo or "hinabol" mo. Lakas maka-dalagang Pilipina. Yeh. Haha.

With Geraldine Datu-Luna, former student turned
confidante and very close friend. (idol 
daw niya ko, pero di niya alam mas idol ko
siya, kasi bukod sa maganda, smart  and
 talented s'ya at kering-keri ang pamilya n'ya)

But in the middle of all these, I was also a daughter who had make my folks proud - finish my thesis, and graduate from college.

That was 1990. Within the same month, I found myself working in one of the major TV networks. At ibang storya naman ito. Here was where I got my first taste of harassment that most women experience in their workplace. 

With Matel Banzon HS classmate, who served as one of my life coaches. (also a singleD mom na matindi din ang pinagdaanan, pero ngayon parang sobrang cool na lang at pag nag-advice, you will really listen)

I thought to myself: "What to do?"

Isumbong ko ba? Pero parang mabigat ang kalaban. I wanted to keep my job. Hindi madali makapasok sa network na 'yun e. So I braced myself everyday when going to work. Nag-practice ako ng dialogue ko at paano ko sasabihin kapag nakaharap ko si harasser. 

So the moment I saw him, I uttered 'yung matagal ko prinaktis: "Maniac!" Haha. Ayon, tumigil ang gago. 

Colleague, mentor and good friend Lynda Catindig-Garcia of Miriam College. (kasabay ko halos mag-move on, haha. Nahiwalay, gumanda, nagsulat ng libro!)

At 'yun na ang una kong test paano maging matapang na babae. Ang paano ipaglaban ang sarili ko when the need arises. 

Again, I was proud of the woman I was becoming. Siguro, dito na 'ko nagsimula maging feisty. 

So mabalik ako sa kuwentong ex. Later, bumalik si bestfriend. And while I was still healing a broken heart, I said yes when he asked me to be his GF. Finally. Pero then I thought, wala nang spark. Unlike when I was 16. 

This time, I had to decide to just give it a go, not really serious. Lakas maka-rebound.  I figured, pag-serious ako and they leave, masasaktan ako. So sabi ko, this time, laro-laro lang, easy lang. 

With Jane Manlangit-Tan close friend,college classmate, co-teacher from Miriam College. (ka-compare notes ko madalas! My inspiration kasi she was able to turn her life around nang bonggang-bongga!)

Kaso, naging serious. Napang-asawa ko na siya, and the rest was history. 

And where was I in those almost 22 years? What kind of a woman was I?

These were my roles: wife, mother, career woman. I was teaching, while I was handling shows in TV networks from time to time as a production talent.  I put up my own production house in between. 

Sisterhoods: From left to right: Ning, Neri and
Noemi. (Each of them face their own struggles,
pero hindi halata hehe! Sila ang mga lagi kong kakampi kahit mali ako)

But what was my one goal? To please my then husband, raise good and happy kids, and to keep my family together. 

Motherhood came as a second nature to me.  I enjoyed being hands-on as soon as I went home from work. Nakakatuwang balikan yung happily married pa kami ni ex, noong maliliit at makukulit pa ang G Skwad (well makulit pa rin naman ngayon on a different level!). Those were the some of the best days of my life. 

My daughters: L to R: Nastassia, Nix and 
Nadja. (mga magaganda kong anak na tuwing
may pinagdadaanan, mas nasasaktan ako, 
kaya kapag nalagpasan nila, mas masaya din ako
kesa sa kanila)

As a wife, I was as obedient and submissive as I could be (at least during the first decade of our marriage). So I discovered, I can be that kind of wife. However, kapag ganun pala na tahimik ka, you always follow what he wants, you do not assert what you want - e mawawala ang pagkatao mo.

With Grace Macapagal-Padilla: Classmate
from Miriam College, churchmate, kumare.
("grasya" talaga siya ng Diyos sa akin. Akala mo
paganyan-ganyan lang at super cool ang aura,
pero pag nagbigay ng advice, so full of wisdom!
Di din matatawaran ang mala-MMK na pinagdaanan niya at nalagpasan by the "grace" of God)

Fast forward. When finally the role of earning for the family was left to me, I saw another facet of my womanhood. One who was resilient and hardworking - 'yung gagawin lahat at walang aatrasan para buhayin ang pamilya.

Then finally, my singleD womanhood. "Nancy Mommy Naging SingleD."  Hindi ko ito pinangarap. I always wanted a whole happy family. 

With Monina Tolentino: HS classmate,
college batchmate, co-officer in student
council. (also a singleD mom, yung
 pinagdaanan ko, parang times 3 ang kanya,
 pero kumapit, pinagtibay at pinatatag ng panahon.
Ngayon, hindi na puwede matibag!)

I was married to him for nearly 22 years. On December 22, five days before our 22nd wedding anniversary, we separated "verbally" and "emotionally." (Obviously, 22 is NOT my lucky number - unless ma meet ko si "ayuda one" next year)  December 27 was our wedding date. January of the following year, we were finally separated on all levels. Pati physically, we were already not in the same house.

With Jopie Reyes-Navarro, batchmate
from Miriam College and close friend at
friend ng ex ko. Maisingit lang e.
(madalas ka-chat tungkol sa mga struggles
and I admire her for her super hardwork. Ito
ang tunay na babaeng walang pahinga!)

That chapter in my life was the scariest, pero I discovered that I was a strong and brave woman. 'Yung haharapin lahat para mag-survive ako at ang mga anak ko - emotionally, mentally, physically, at financially. 

Kaya kahit hindi ko ginusto ang maging singleD, salamat pa din sa ex-husband ko. I finally found my voice when he left. I finally began to discover who I was without him. I became the best woman I could ever be. 

    With good friend Jean Nipas Lopo: businesswoman and philantopist. (singleD mom din. Idol ko kasi ang galing-galing mag-negosyo!)

And now I am still. Still this woman who is a gamut of all those adjectives. Yet I am far from perfect. Everybody is. 

Now I am above all, a mother to the G Skwad. Then a daughter to my mom and dad. An Ate to our one and only bunso. A baby sister to all my elder sibs. A good friend to all my other women friends who I also choose to celebrate each day as I hear their own stories of struggles and survival and try to comfort them as much as I could. 

With Cherry Pie Diaz-Mangonon: bff since 
college. (tumanda na kami, wala pa ding iwanan.
 Pero parang pag-nagkasama at nagkausap, immature pa din. Bakit ganon???!)

This blog is not just about me. Para bang nagbuhat ako ng sarili kong bangko? Not at all. That wasn't my intent. In telling my story and journey into womanhood, I feel like I was telling all your stories too, mga Nan-sis. 

My objective is to show you how women who go through so much and face adversities in life fall hard, but get back up again. How they can experience pain and go through all sorts of struggles, yet remain standing up, full of hope that tomorrow will be better. Even when left alone or singleD.

With former student Yoyah Quizan: Recently 
connected with her after quite sometime. (so
I found out, matindi din ang mga pinagdaanan, 
at pinagdadaanan pa, pero, napaka-empowered
na babae!)

Kaya dapat ang mga babae, minamahal. Hindi sinasaktan. Inaalagaan, hindi pinapabayaan. Kung di n'yo kaya 'yan, e hindi naman namin kayo kailangan. Sa totoo lang. Puwede namin kayong gustuhin, pero ang kailanganin, not necessarily. 

Mga Nan-sis, I am proud of who you are and what you have become. Dapat kayo rin maging proud sa mga sarili ninyo! 

With my niece and inaanak, Patricia Anne Delas
Alas. Isa siyang SURVIVOR (Relate much kami sa mga pinagdaanan namin, kasi parang long lost brothers ang mga exes namin)

Go and celebrate yourselves, your being a woman. Hindi araw-araw na naaalala natin at napagtutuunan ng pansin ang pagiging babae natin at ang mga nagawa at narating natin.

With my sis-in-law Joy Ampil-Galang. As 
an older sis, I am there to guide her and my
brother in their family life and marriage. 
(kaya may tagapagmana ako mga
hugot ko sa buhay na isa ding malakas 
at matapang na empowered woman)

And there is no stopping us. 

So until then. Keep it up! Catch you later.

Nancy Mommy