Finding Happiness (After Becoming SingleD)
"Happiness is not trying or finding, it's deciding." - Osiris
Paano ko ba hinanap at patuloy na hinahanap ang happiness ko? Ang title ng blog na ito ay "Finding Happiness." To find means "to get or discover something or someone that you are looking for" (merriam-webster.com).
So this means ang salitang "find" ay isang verb. One has to take action to get it. Pagkatapos ng isang hindi maganda at masalimuot na experience, we have to make that decision to move on and be happy once again.
When I got separated almost 5 years ago, I thought that it was the end of the world for me.
Yes, para sa mga hindi pa naka-experience ng major heartbreak (like ang mahiwalay sa iyong asawa at ama ng apat mong anak), I just want to let you know that it is not an exaggeration kapag sinabi ko na parang guguho ang mundo mo. Gusto mong magpatiwakal - tumalon sa overpass, ibunggo ang sasakyan mo sa poste sa Slex, o di kaya'y mag-overdose.
BUT, before you get any bad ideas, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. While it felt that way, siyempre it was not true na end of the world mo na. Or that it is worth it na piliin mo na lang maglaho sa mundong ibabaw.
Like me (again), YOU CAN FIND HAPPINESS AFTER BECOMING SINGLED.
After facing the reality of how to survive as a singleD parent, which was working three jobs and living by my mantra "Bawal ma-depress, bawal magkasakit, bawal maloka," I realized after a few years that I could be happy. I needed to. Para sa sarili ko.
Read:https://nancydavidgalang.blogspot.com/2020/04/becomingsingled-6-2020-nancy-d.html?m=1
In my case, the first step I took was to make the decision to change my situation.
Ayokong ma-trap sa pagiging malungkot palagi, na madalas umiiyak at nagse-self pity. Someone told me way back, "Wala tayong karapatan na mag reklamo. Mas maraming tao ang mas malaki ang problema."
Back then, I was working for a non-government organization that had Disaster Response as one of its main missions. So marami na akong nakitang mga taong nawalan ng bahay, pamilya, kabuhayan. I saw and talked with street dwellers, mga batang hindi nakakapag-aral (walang ngang pambili ng tsinelas), mga taong walang makain at walang pambili ng gamot.
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| The pure hearts of children radiate happiness that's always contagious. Look at those smiles! |
What could be worse?
That was a real wake-up call. Bumangon ako at pumasok sa trabaho (by that time I was not able to go to work for more than a month due to depression and excessive bleeding). Soon, I found joy and meaning in what I was doing. My heart was happy and full whenever I accomplished something in my job that translated to helping other people. I realized that I was so blessed to be able to help and get paid at the same time!
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| My favorite kind of day. |
Now, even after I left that job, I find happiness in helping my friends - kahit yung simpleng pakikinig, letting them know I am here for them especially na iba't iba ang pinagdadaanan natin ngayong pandemya.
Next, I found happiness by choosing to become a responsible singleD parent.
Kasabay ng pagpasok ko sa office, I tried to bear in mind each and everyday, as soon as I woke up, that my kids were solely dependent on me for physical, emotional, mental, at higit sa lahat financial support.
Just focusing on my children and providing for their needs, made me happy and fulfilled. Like many of you parents out there, lalo na ang mga Nan-sis (nanay-sisters) ko, masaya na tayo kapag masaya ang mga anak natin.
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| My G Skwad: Happy together. |
I also realized, that again, I was blessed that I had my children. My dad told me then, "Winner ka, nasa iyo ang mga bata."
Bonus na lang kung ang mga anak natin ay papasayahin din tayo sa pagiging mababait, strong, at supportive. In my case, happiness ko ang G-Skwad (Galang Skwad) ko because aside from all these, they turned out to be responsible children who know how to focus on their own dreams and goals. Nakikita ko na lahat pinaghirapan ko ay di nasasayang and this makes me more inspired to work harder.
Next, I chose to evolve into a strong, independent and empowered woman. Version 2.0 of Nancy, here I come!
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| Kapag nagpaganda ka, it follows that you feel good about yourself and therefore increases happy hormones. |
I wanted to be a better person. Iniwan mo ako, puwes, I will make sure I become better, instead of becoming bitter! In fact, I wanted to be the best of me. And by merely trying to become, I am happy.
Karamihan sa atin, we end up blaming ourselves nang bonggang-bongga kapag iniwan or pinalitan tayo. Pero matapos ibigay ang more than 100 percent na effort to save our relationship, tama na. Okay na 'yun. Instead, focus on yourself and how you can be the best version of yourself.
Anong steps ang ginawa ko? I will just give you a glimpse because this can be another entry. Una, nagpaganda ako, hindi ko hinayaang pumangit ako. Iniingatan ko ang sarili ko by eating healthy, exercising, and thinking positive thoughts. I learned to count my blessings and appreciating what I had instead of what I didn't have.
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| I also take care of myself through salon visits whenever I can. (not during this pandemic though) |
Bukod sa marami akong blessings (na gaya n'yo rin, mga Nan-sis, you just have to look closely) I have many strengths which I can use to pursue what I want in my life. My dreams and goals for myself (and for my kids) did not disappear when my marriage ended.
Someone once told me, what is 47 years (I was this age when I got separated), compared to the rest of your life? Tama! At hindi naman lahat ng 47 years ko ay hindi ako masaya. I had many happy life experiences to date and doon na lang din ako nagfo-focus when it comes to my past. And maybe I can look back and somehow say, me and my ex, had a good run. Nadapa nga lang.
Lastly, I find joy in the littlest things. Ano ba ang pang-araw-araw na blessings na tinatanggap natin, maliit man o malaki?
Paggising ko sa umaga, I am thankful I have another day ahead of me, at OK ang G Skwad including my apo, Amara. Then there's food for everyone for the rest of the day. I have my job. God has given me the means to provide for our daily needs.
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| Enjoying my cup of coffee every morning spells happiness for me. Lalo na kung nasa Baguio ka, "as a friend" hehe. |
I learned to find joy in finishing my chores and fixing the house. Kahit nakakapagod. Mabuti nga mayroon pa kaming bahay na nililinisan at inaayos the way we please.
I am happy when I have new plants. Lalo na kung libre at padala lang ng mga kaibigan. More than the plants, food, or anything na pinadadala sa akin, sobra akong happy kasi naisip nila ako. Kahit pa yung kumustahin nga lang ako, masaya na ako.
I am happy when I have extra money to order food from my friends who have their home businesses and share these to my other friends as well.
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| My latest "budol" from Shopee, a condenser mic with sound card, not only makes me really happy, but also feeds my soul. |
I am happy when I am able to sing my heart out. When friends request for their favorite songs from me even if I am not a professional singer. Then they thank me and tell me how touched they are. Bakit ito nagpapasaya sa akin? Kasi alam kong maraming nalulungkot sa mga nangyayari ngayong pandemya, kaya't kapag napasaya ko sila in my own little way, sobrang saya ko!
Kaya't mga Nan-sis, there is (a happy) life after a break-up. More often than not, your life becomes bigger and better --- and happier, after letting go.
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| Never give up after a major setback. Life is still beautiful, you only need to look around you. |
Sabi nga ni Tokyo sa Season 5 ng Money Heist, "Something ends today, but now is the first day of your next life. You’ve gotta live a lot of lives, my love."
Until then. Catch you later!
Nancy Mommy
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