2023: Lessons on Faith, Hope, and Love
By Nancy D. Galang, MA
"Faith makes all things possible. Hope makes all things easy. Love makes all things work."
It's New Year and I am sure that most of you have done your share of looking back at the year that was. Mga Nan-sis, kumusta nga ba ang ating 2023?
Para sa akin mga Nan-sis, it was a year full of challenges, revelations, and valuable learnings.
This year started with plenty of time in my hands as I began my search for a new job during the first quarter of the year. Like usual, I enjoyed my time cleaning and fixing what I can in the house, catching up with my apo Amara, and of course, my kids. These, while simultaneously and regulary browsing through LinkedIn and Jobstreet. The previous job was very physically, emotionally, mentally draining and time consuming (not the regular 8-5 job, it was an international company that had meetings and presentations that started at 9pm or 10pm. Add to the hectic work sked, a very toxic team). But while I could not manage to stay, it gave me valuable lessons that I would remember for life.
FAITH
In the months that followed, I prayed hard and put my 100% faith in God as I did my part in searching for that job.
By the second quarter, God led me to a very familiar place where I practically grew up. Yes God has taken me back to my alma mater which is now my place of work - full time. This time, I am (again) a part of the academe for the Department of Communication and now working full time as part of its Marketing and Communications department.
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| My teammates from Marketing and Communications Department, Miriam College |
As I started in July, I fervently prayed for God to please, please, please give me very good people to work with --- sincere, caring, and loving 'humans" to work with. Hindi na po ako mambobola or magbibigay pa ng mahahabang papuri sa mga katrabaho ko ngayon. Ang masasabi ko lang, where teammates are concerned, masaya ako. I find myself looking forward (again) to going to work, yun tipong the night before, naghahanda na ako ng outfit so I will look good and professional. Yung matutulog ka na lang, iniisip mo how to make things better in our department. Yung tulog ka na - mapapanaginipan mo pa ang wild ideas!
And I say this now - God listens, and will give you the best thing in His perfect time - always. Work wise, I believe I am in a good place now.
Family wise - while madaming challenges, (which I will share later), there were a few milestones to celebrate. My apo, Amara, turned 3 this year. While she is more difficult to handle kasi laging active, she is also smarter and sweeter. For me, her greatest milestones are learning to hug and say "I love you" and "I miss you". I will also not forget that at one point, she told me, "Don't worry Grammy." While to her it meant for me to stop crying (we were pretending I got hurt), to me, it meant a whole lot --- "Grammy, everything will be ok.", as if to remind me that as I go through life's trials, huwag ako masyadong mag-alala (puwede slight lang hehe) kasi magiging okay din naman lahat.
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| My apo, Amara's 3rd birthday celebration |
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| From left: Nastassia, Amara, me, Nix, Rocky, Maw (Nadja's bf), and Nadja - the G Skwad complete! |
This year also made me so proud as Nadja graduated last July from De La Salle College of Saint Benilde, with a degree in Multimedia Arts. For every parent, alam natin na kapag nakapagpatapos tayo, ito ay isang malaking achievement! She also found jobs in two companies as a graphic designer, shortly after. And just before the start of 2024, Rocky also found a part-time job as a graphic designer (he is also taking up Multimedia Arts in the same school).
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| Nadja after attending her graduation rites, last July 22 at the PICC |
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| Your proud Nan-sis with her Multimedia Arts Professional, Nadja Francesca Concepion! |
There were also major changes to accept and to welcome. By last quarter of the year, Nadja decided to leave the house and live in Siargao. Siyempre, I was sad and scared to let her go as she will be so far away from home, and this decision came as she was still dealing with her depression. More than the sadness, super kinabahan ako na lalayo siya - kasi nga paano if magka-episode siya ng depression doon? Pagkatapos malayo ako. Kabado din ako kasi babae ang anak ko. While she lived with a friend (na nakilala ko lang thru video call as soon as she got there), siyempre may pag-aalala ako kasi hindi ko naman alam kung ano man lang ang itsura ng titirahan niya. But that is Nadja, she is self-driven and when she wants something - she will be out there to get it! And don't I want all my kids to do the same?
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| My Nadja in Siargao |
At the same time, I also felt that being in a new environment and by the sea at that (Nadja, I think, was a mermaid in her previous lifetime, haha), would work well for her recovery and healing. I was hopeful na this is the best for her mental health and growth as a person. Sabi ko nga sa kanya, if I had a choice I would also pack my bags and live in Tagaytay or Baguio! True enough, nakatulong sa kanya ang dagat at paglisan sa congested Quezon City as she has started to be off her medication. Siyempre, masaya ako sa balitang ito and my hopes are high na she will be completely healed from her depression.
With her decision to live far from home, ano nga ba ang natutuhan ko bukod sa letting go? Bukod sa one day, talagang ang mga anak natin ay aalis and live their own lives (kaya lang parang ang bilis! one day nasa poder mo pa at pinapaaral mo at inaalagaan -next thing, wala na pala siya sa kuwarto niya, hindi ka na nila gaanong kailangan at kaya na nila ang sarili nila). Well, I learned to trust and have faith in God that He will be the one to protect my child, wherever she is, especially when she is not with me. Matinding dasal at tiwala sa Diyos. Matinding tiwala sa anak ko that she is mature enough to make sound decisions. Matinding tiwala na I did something right and raised a good person, at puwede na siyang pakawalan sa mundo.
While one of my children left the house, another one returned to be with us. Nix, my eldest, is at home with us after about 5 years of working abroad as a flight attendant. While she is in transition to a new job, I am taking advantage of the time I can spend with her. Actually, sa kanya ko unang naranasan ang mag-let go ng isang anak, kasi nga out of the country ang place of work niya. So I welcome this change kasi we have a lot of catching up to do. From 2017 and living with her now, while temporary - I am learning so much about her and from her. As usual and as I have mentioned in my previous blogs, Nix has been my partner in taking care of the rest of the G Skwad (Galang Squad) since her dad and I separated.
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| My partner in taking care of the rest of the G Skwad, my eldest Nix (Nicolette) |
At first, malaki ang panghihinayang ko na she decided to resign. Pero talagang God knows better. Dahil sa latter part ng taon pala, at mismong huling buwan ng taon - our family was to face another major trial. So kailangan ko ang panganay ko, ang partner ko - because honestly, kung wala siya dito sa tabi ko, baka hindi ko kakayanin. So I believe God has orchestrated everything because Nix is at the right place at the right time - home.
Alam ko na alam na alam n'yo ito - na kapag maysakit ang mga anak natin, we always wish na akuin na lang natin kasi ang feeling natin mas-kaya natin na tayo na lang, keysa ang nakikita sila natin sila na nag-su-suffer at di natin matulungan. Mas mabigat kasi dalhin ang depression kumpara sa ibang karamdaman, para sa akin. Kasi sa depression, hit or miss ang gamot. Kadalasan pati ang doktor. It is a never-ending search for the right meds and doctors. Kaya may feeling of helplessness para sa isang magulang na gaya ko kasi kadalasan, hindi ko alam ano ang sasabihin ko or gagawin ko to get him out of his episodes.
Prior Rocky's hospitalization, we were both trying to manage his depression while he was alternately staying at home and in our rented condo for him near his school. Napakahirap nito kasi I was just starting with my new job, pagkatapos, I have had to suddenly leave in the middle of the day and run and be with him, because he was so down and could not be left alone. Kung minsan kapag nasa condo siya, mas mahirap pa, kasi mas malayo siya, so when he has suicidal ideations, para ako ang mamamatay. Yung tipong paulit-ulit na may threat sa buhay mo, kaya't mas nakaka-torture.
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| The last trial we faced in 2023 was a two week confinement of one of my kids, my youngest Rocky |
This trial was a true test of my faith since I found myself unable to pray. It was hard to utter God help me. It was easier to say "God, where are you?", "God, why me?" "God, tama na po. Parang hindi ko na ito kaya." "God, ayoko na, suko na ako!" Mabuti na lang, digital age na, at nakasanayan ko na din na kapag nakakapag-quiet time ako, I play a prayer or two on YoutTube, and choose the topic of prayer that I need - in this case, while I was up and monitoring Rocky in the hospital - these where prayers on hope, faith, peace, surrender, healing. And believe me, each of these times that I would listen, God spoke to me about the very question I had in my heart at particular moments. He, at one time, told me, "I will assist you. Do not worry."
Magkano ba ang deposito na kinailangan ko? Bilang isang single mom, money really does not come so easily. And if it does, madali din yang nawawala, pambayad sa bills and loans. I had to send a message asking for help from my family and close friends. At first I thought I could put my faith in all the people to whom I sent the message to. But you know mga Nan-sis, God taught me na hindi pala ganun. Kapag humihingi ka ng tulong, you do not put your faith in people. You put your faith in God that he will line up people to help you. Indeed, help and assistance came --- and from the most unexpected people.
Hindi lang ako tinuruan ng Diyos na huwag mawalan ng tiwala, tinuruan din niya ako ng humility - na lahat tayo tao lang, hindi natin kaya ang lahat ng bagay o pagsubok sa lahat ng oras. At one point in our lives, or maybe even more than once, mangangailangan tayo ng tulong. We only need to know when to ask for it and have faith na si Lord na ang bahala.
Sabi nga ng isa sa mga tumulong sa akin, "Do not fear for I am with you! God is using me as an instrument to help you." She went on further, "Huwag kang mahihiya, wala kang utang na loob sa akin, kasi this is what He wants me to do." Na-i-imagine n'yo na ba ang eksena? Luhaang Nancy! Ilang gabi nang mugto ang mata ko sa pag-iyak sa sitwasyon ng anak ko at sa sitwasyon ko. Malalim at maitim na ang eye bags ko noong mga panahong iyon.
LOVE
This is also a lesson on a mother's love for her children. I am sure that parents out there know this very well: Dahil sa pagmamahal ko sa anak ko, gagawin ko ang lahat para gumaling siya. Gagawin ko ang lahat to save his life - to save him.
Nalaman ko din na maraming nagmamahal sa akin. At kung hindi man ako mayaman financially, nag-uumapaw ako sa pagmamahal mula sa aking mga kaibigan at pamilya.
I also saw how supportive the rest of the G Skwad is kapag ang isa sa amin ay may pinagdadaanan. And this makes my heart full kasi I saw their love for each other.
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| The G Skwad (Galang Squad), complete this Christmas 2023 |
HOPE
Sa ngayon, si Rocky ay patuloy na lumalaban. And we - Nix, Nastassia, Nadja continue to fight this fight with him because that is what family is all about. Napakahirap. I could not find the words to desciribe our experience in all this. Each and every day that he is okay - is already my miracle. Kaya't bukod sa moral support at financial assistance na ibinibigay ng pamilya at mga kaibigan ko, yung mga dasal nila ang pinakamahalaga. Yung isama nila ang G Skwad sa kanilang mga dasal, lalo na ako at si Rocky - na bigyan kami ng lakas at rason para lumaban ay napakalaking bagay.
Iyan po ang taon ko. It was another roller coaster ride! At mahigpit ang kapit ko sa bawat pagbaba nito! Kasi alam ko na one day, aakyat din.
Pero despite and inspite, wala ako sa lugar para magreklamo. Kasi, sa bawat pagsubok, God was there to see me through. Kasi, laging mayroon akong maririnig na istorya na mas-malala sa dinaanan ko; kasi, lahat tayo may kanya-kanyang cross na binubuhat, kanya-kanyang katotohanan na hindi naman alam nang nakararami.
Higit sa lahat, hindi ako nawawalan ng pag-asa. While I am going through each trial kasi lagi kong iniisip: This too, shall pass. Daanan mo lang, Nan-sis.
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| New Year's at my mom's, with my sister Noemi |
Kaya't natapos pa din ang 2023 ko na masaya at payapa ang puso ko dahil I became stronger, wiser, and more grateful sa lahat nang dinanas ko at ipinakitang kabutihan sa akin ng Diyos sa buong taon.
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