"Finding my Purpose: Woman, Warrior, Writer"

By Nancy David Galang, MA

                                               

          "If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and     write." - Martin Luther

Hello mga Nansis. (nanay sisters)

If you have not read any of my blogs yet, you can find them here: 

https://nancydavidgalang.blogspot.com/2020/04/becomingsingled-6-2020-nancy-d.html. 

I am a single mom of four, and I refer to my family as the G Skwad (Galang Squad) - they are Nix (Nicolette), Clarice (Nastassia), France (Nadja) and Rocky (Rockwell Clark). From six, we became five, as I got separated from their dad in 2016. From five, we became six again, as I now have a granddaughter, Amara Catrice, by my daughter Clarice. She is also a single mom like me. 

My G Skwad (Galang Squad): Nadja, Rocky, Nix,
Amara and Nastassia

I started writing this blog entitled "Nancy Mommy Naging SingleD" during the pandemic. I always wanted to write, but didn't know what about and when I could possibly start. But as they say, the easiest way to get started, is to write your own story. Like most of you, the pandemic forcibly gave me time to do the things I would normally have no time for.  Fast forward from 2020 to present, I now have 44 published entries. Someday --- and soon, I hope, I can make a book to compile my best ones. 

Single with a D, yes. SingleD was a term I coined for this blog, and for what and who I have become after my separation from my husband. SingleD, kasi naging single - naging mag-isa, puwedeng nahiwalay, naging byuda o byudo. Naiwan o nang-iwan. In my case it's both, "nag-iwanan" kaming mag-asawa, haha. Iniwan niya ako at eventually, wala akong choice, kundi ang magpaiwan. It was a painful and depressing experience; but as they say, "everything happens for a reason". Without having gone through that major devastating event in my life, I would not be able to start this blog.

                   Sharing my story of being a single mom is my   service and testimony to other single moms going through the
                                  same trials I am facing.

The intent to write came from a strong desire to share my story so I could inspire other single moms, single dads, those kids raised by single parents, and perhaps, even those whose marriages and families are intact. It wasn't an easy decision as I have to make major events in my life public. But I finally convinced myself to share my story through my blogs because if I could touch one soul, then my blogs have achieved its greatest purpose. 

Indeed, through the years, my readers have sent me messages saying how my blogs have inspired them. Most of them were able to relate to my stories and would even share theirs to me. Some would even ask me advice regarding what they were going through. Later, I realized that I actually kept writing because of them. I realized that it's actually me who gets inspiration from my readers. To date, my all time reads have reached 24,639!!! Thanks to all of you! Lalo na sa mga Nan-sis ko! (Nanay sisters) 

Allow me to share with you some messages I received from my readers. (I have cropped out the senders' names for data privacy)

A lot of people who know me and have read my blogs, tell me that they admire me for being strong. A lot of my friends also often tell me that. Maybe I am - but even those who are seemingly strong, also have moments of weakness that they want to give up.  Maybe I just don't have a choice but to face the challenges thrown at me.  Ika nga ng isang kaibigan, "Nung nagsabog si God ng problema, nasalo mo lahat, Nancy." It's true! I have faced many kinds of life probems, trials, and struggles - and I am still facing them. 

Pero like most of you, tao lang rin ako na nanghihina, napapagod, nagsasawa, may matinding pagnanais na maiba ang buhay at kinalalagyan, and a few times - gusto na magpahinga for good! Sa totoo lang, kung minsan, sa hirap ng mga pinagdadaanan kong pagsubok, I tell myself, parang...mas-madali mag-evaporate sa earth! 

               22 years into our marriage, I never thought my husband 
                                        and I would still get separated. 

Gaya ko, hindi ninyo maubos maisip na puwede din pala sa inyo mangyari ang mga kwentong napapanuod n'yo lang sa Teleserye, o di kaya'y na ma-Marites ("Mare, Ito and latest") niyo lamang sa inyong mga kaibigan. Sino ba naman mag-aakala na days before our Silver wedding anniversary, magkakahiwalay kaming mag-asawa. December 27 and wedding anniversary namin at akala ko magpa-Pasko pa kami na magkakasama kami ng mga bata.... biglang - boogsh! 

And while you are shocked, in a daze, and paralyzed....the world just kept revolving. 

What will you do? Hindi ba, wala kang choice, kung hindi harapin? Kaya sa totoo lang, hindi po ako talaga matapang. Tapang-tapangan lang, kasi nasa harap na ako ng mga kalaban - in this case, ang iba't-ibang pagsubok na dumarating. Sa totoo lang, duwag talaga ako. I also feel and experience so much fear, anxiety, worry, and stress. Ang totoo? Magaling lang siguro ako magdala. Kahit takot na takot na ako, kunyari,  kering-kering pa din. 

Hindi ako matapang - oo, pero I get my strength from God. Because alam ko He is with me every step of the way --- every struggle, every heartache, every victory, no matter how small. Ang alam ko lang, lahat ng pinagdaanan ko mula nang maging singleD ako, hindi naman Niya ako iniwan at pinabayaan. Lagi naman Niyang sinasagot ang taimtim kong dasal na "Lord, please do not forsake me and my children." 

And there are times, honestly,  when I feel like I should stop writing. Puwede namang gawin ko na lang pribado ang buhay ko at mga pinagdadaanan ko. Pero gaya nga nang sinabi ko, sayang naman kung hindi ko i-share ang mga pinagdaanan ko. So kapag dumadating ang moment when I feel that I am going through so much, I ask God, why am I going through all these? And maybe this is the answer. This is my purpose - the reason why I should write is to inspire and help other people. This is why I should keep writing. 

What keeps me going is knowing that God is with me 

                      in every struggle, every heartache, and He also brings 

                                                 me to a season of victory. 

So my dear readers - my dear Nan-sis. Do not aspire to be what you think I am. Strong, resilient, always ready to face any major trials. Ok lang po umamin at sabihing: "Ayoko na" "Nanghihina ako."  "Hindi ko na kaya." "Gusto ko nang maiba ang buhay ko." "Lecheng buhay toh!!!"

Pero pagkatapos ninyo sambitin ang lahat ng 'yan, back to fighter mode tayo. Alam n'yo ba yung kantang "The Warrior is a Child" ni Gary Valenciano?

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

'Yan na 'yan po ako. Hindi lang ninyo siyempre nakikita ang version ko na umiiyak, lalo na sa gabi - na parang isang batang nagsusumbong kay Lord. Kaya mga Nan-sis, ang gusto ko lang naman sabihin sa blog na ito, hindi dahil nagsusulat ako and trying to inspire people, ay magaling ako, strong, matapang, perfect, at kung ano-ano pang adjectives. Ang kaibahan ko lang sa inyo, blogger ako and I am sharing my story, hoping that it would somehow testify to you. And perhaps - make you feel a little better - even for just a moment.

And I owe it to all of you --- to be honest as I can possibly be: to share stories from my heart and soul such that you, mga Nansis, my readers, can feel, learn, heal, move-on, embrace being singleD. And find the meaning of it all ---  for you. The very purpose why you are where you are, why you go through what you go through. 

Until then, catch you later!

Nancy Mommy