A Letter to Mom

Dear Ma,

Today, I just planned on having a peaceful, quiet day. Pero biglang naging dramatic ang araw ko, umaga pa lang -  dahil nag-sink in sa akin na wala ka na pala talaga. 

Siguro tinatawanan mo lang ako from heaven, saying "Si Honey Baby, nagda-drama na naman!".

Pero Ma, miss na miss kita. 





Although before you passed, matagal ka nang hindi nakakalakad, nanghihina, nagrereklamo sa mga iniinda mong sakit ng katawan, deep inside, I was hopeful I would still have more time with you. 

Ang tibay-tibay mo kasi - literally and figuratively. Ang dami mong pinagdaanan sa aming mga anak mo and in your own marriage. But you held us all together despite and inspite.

Paano mo nagawa ang lahat ng 'yun, Ma? 




I didn't realize, sa'yo pala ako humuhugot ng lakas. Kung ano man ang meron akong lakas para manatiling nakatayo sa kabila ng mga pinagdadaanan ko, it was because of you and dad. Lalo na sa'yo, dahil nakita ko what a strong woman you really were. 

Ngayong wala ka na, I feel so alone, frail and weak. 

Wala na akong aabutan ng mga bulaklak, cake at ang paborito mong Starbucks Mocha Frappe, lalo na tuwing Mother's Day.




Wala na akong pagsusumbungan. 

I miss those long convos by your bedside - you, telling me all about dad and raising us - and that one wish of wanting to see all your children together...Me, telling you my life's challenges that seemed never-ending. 






Ngayong wala ka na - nangungulila ako sa kausap. 

While family and friends are there, hindi ko maipaliwanag ang pakiramdam ko - parang laging mag-isa at isolated, dahil wala ka na at si Dad. I feel so, so alone, knowing you are no longer here and I cannot visit you, talk to you and hug you.








Ma, sorry hindi ko naibigay ang oras na mayroon ako sa isang araw. Kulang pa kasi ang 24 hours sa akin. Alam mo naman, bilang isang single mom, kailangan doble kayod ako.

But if I had a better life, I would just spend all my days with you. Alam mo naman 'yun di ba?

Sorry kung hindi ko naibigay ang one wish mo before you passed. If it was within my control, ibibigay ko sa'yo.

Ma, sana naiparamdam ko sa'yo how much I love and appreciated you. I tried my best, given my circumstances.

Thank you for all that you did for me. 

I was so blessed to have had you and dad as my folks. Inaalagaan at minahal mo ako pati mga anak ko nang sobra-sobra.

Ito pala ang feeling ng wala na kayo ni Dad. Sobrang lungkot. Hindi ko alam if the longing will ever end. Pero ang alam ko lang, lagi kang nasa isip ko at araw-araw kitang mamahalin.


Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita. I love you and I miss you so much - everyday.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, Ma!

Your Honey Baby












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