Resetting: Making Space for What Remains
By Nancy David Galang, MA
— Jon Kabat-Zinn
I am a few years away from getting that 20% discount and VAT exemption for some purchases and services. Yes, I am talking about "seniorhood", mga Nan-sis. As much as we don't want it, the inevitable will come!
I am at that point when I would forget scheduled meetings at work, go to a room in my house and not remember why, or misplace things - most of the time intentionally keeping them somewhere “safe” so they won't get lost, only to forget where I kept them!
Lalo na ang mga susi - susi sa kotse, susi sa opisina, susi sa gate.
Relate ba kayo, mga Nan-sis?
But then I realized that one of the easiest things to lose in life is not our keys, our wallet, or even our schedule - it is ourselves.
We spend years taking care of other people, meeting expectations, solving problems, and showing up for everyone who needs us. We become wives, mothers, grandmothers, executives, friends, caregivers, and many other things. With all these roles and responsibilities, the huge trade-off is that our own voice can become softer and softer until one day, we realize we haven't really listened to ourselves in a very long time.
Undoubtedly, like most of you, I have spent so many years being needed by other people that I could no longer hear myself clearly.
A single mom, a Grammy (lola), college teacher, administrator, mentor, friend - lahat ng roles na ito have filled my days for decades. Somewhere between caring for others, meeting deadlines, solving problems, grieving losses in between, and simply surviving each season, I realized I had stopped asking myself a very simple but valuable question:
"How am I doing in this so-called "life"?
I realized that it is necessary to ask this question once in a while. Put simply, it's about looking inward to understand what's happening within you.
By asking this question, I do not intend to change my reality. I just want to recognize that amidst all the noise and responsibilities, it is good to pause and ask:
Kamusta na ba ako? Sino na ba ako ngayon? What are my dreams, hopes, and aspirations at this age?
Resetting means taking a step back: not to retreat,
but to see the bigger picture. To understand where I’ve
For a couple of weekends, I went away for what I called a mental and emotional wellness break. A dear loved one reached out and made me realize that at this point in my life, what I truly needed was space to sit with my thoughts, my memories, my grief, my hopes, and the woman I have become after all these years
Quiet Mornings and Breakfast Buffets
This morning, I sat quietly with a cup of coffee and felt an unfamiliar stillness.
I didn't have to cook for anyone. I didn't have to rush to work. No one was calling my name. No one needed an answer from me. I just woke up, chose from the variety of food that was served, and enjoyed a quiet morning.
For a few precious minutes, I enjoyed my food. I chose the kind of eggs I wanted and what to put in that omelette. I had options if I wanted an American or Filipino breakfast. I had a choice between several juices. I even had a choice between two types of water - one with lemon and one without.
It may sound like such a simple thing, but for someone used to taking care of everyone else, being able to think only about what I wanted to eat - and take my sweet time doing so - felt like a small but meaningful luxury.
In that silence, I felt a gamut of emotions: physical and emotional exhaustion - the exhaustion of carrying so much for so long. A deep sense of longing - missing my parents very badly - and another kind of longing: the longing to reconnect with the Nancy underneath all the responsibilities and struggles.
Nakaka-miss din pala ang sarili ko. :)
The Question We Rarely Ask
Kumusta ka?
It's a question we don't often hear because the people around us always seem to think we have it all together. And we would often just smile and tell our friends, “Okay naman,” kahit minsan feel natin na sasabog na tayo. Kahit minsan fake 'til you make it vibe ang araw natin. Kahit madalas, gustuhin man nating magkuwento, we hold back kasi baka ma-spread lang ang negative aura.
But what happens when we finally ask ourselves:
Kumusta ako?
I am blessed and grateful - but I can be happier. I miss being able to say, “I am happy!” This is different from being just okay. Ang feeling ko kasi, marami pa akong gustong gawin at ma-experience. Marami pa akong gustong i-improve as a parent and as a person in general. And as I get older, I sometimes feel that I am running out of time and chances.
Sino na ba ako ngayon?
The person that I am now - this is not the version of me that I imagined when I was in my 20s. This is not how I pictured myself at this age and time of my life. And despite all my little victories here and there - as a parent and in my career - I still find myself anxious about my future.
I would often ask myself nowadays:
“May oras pa kaya for me to get to where I really want to be in my life? Magagawa at makukuha ko pa ba lahat ng pangarap ko?”
I guess I can only keep trying and doing my best.
Kayo mga Nan-sis? Kumusta ba? Have you asked yourself this question lately?
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| Sometimes a reset begins with simply pausing: taking in the view, quieting the noise, and allowing myself to be present with what is in front of me. |
Looking Back at the What-Ifs
When you have quiet moments, you get to do a lot of reflecting. And sometimes, you get the chance to ask your what-ifs.
I still dream about talking to my son, Robbie, whom we lost when he was stillborn at five months. What if he lived? He would have been nineteen now and would have been my bunso. Sometimes I wonder if the attention and lambing I long for from my other children -three of whom have moved out - might have come naturally from him. Siguro kaya bigla ko siyang naiisip at nami-miss kasi tumatanda na ako and my kids are building their own lives.
I am also seeing some of my friends struggle with their health, while others have already passed on. Within a span of three months, I found myself going to the wakes of three batchmates.
One of them was Natchie, a dear friend and batchmate who was my super-close best friend in college.We were the kind of friends who had sleepovers and shared everything. She recently passed away after a difficult battle with a series of complications in the hospital.
What if we had remained in touch all these years? I find myself imagining what it would have been like if we did - meeting for coffee every now and then, talking about work, single motherhood, and life.I would have wanted to be part of her journey. Maybe I could have helped her navigate some of her struggles, even while carrying my own.
.
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| With good friend Natchie, who recently passed on. There are questions that only come with loss: questions we never think to ask when we believe there will always be more time. |
I also think about the many what-ifs with my ex-husband. What if we had both chosen to stay and work things out?
Maybe forgiveness and less pride could have changed our story. Would we have been happy through the years if we had committed to rebuilding our marriage? Would he still be alive today if I had been there to take care of him?
I know these questions have no answers. And I know I cannot change what has already happened. But they still visit me in quiet moments like these.
And then, on a lighter note - what if I ended up with my greatest love? Haha. Hindi naman masama mag-daydream, mga Nan-sis. Maybe I would have been a happier wife, with a happier life?
Di rin tayo sure! So that being said, let me just love him from a distance. 😊
Making Space for What Remains
As I sit with all these thoughts, I realize that this weekend is not really about escaping. It is about facing my life with honesty and acceptance. It is about making space for the memories, the grief, the regrets, the dreams, and the many what-ifs that continue to live in me.
Pero mga Nan-sis, it is also about remembering that life is still happening right in front of me. And that thought excites me. It gives me hope that maybe one day, kapag may nangumusta sa akin, I can candidly say: “I am happy!”
And maybe that is something I am learning as I get older: I can honor what was, without allowing it to take away from what still is.
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| White, simple, and unhurried. A quiet reset: making space for what remains and learning to be present with what is in front of me. |
There are still people in my life who are here. There are still conversations to have, relationships to nurture, places to see, meals to enjoy, and moments waiting to be noticed. There are still things I want to do, stories I want to tell, and perhaps even new versions of myself that I have yet to discover.
Maybe I don't have to figure everything out right now.
Maybe I just need to be present and give attention to what is right in front of me - the view outside my window, a quiet morning, a good meal, a message from someone I love, or the company of the people who are constantly around me.
Because perhaps resetting isn't about becoming someone new. Perhaps it is about finding my way back to the person I have always been, while making room for the person I am still becoming.
And maybe that is enough for now.
Kayo mga Nan-sis, don't you think you need to reset too?
Until then, catch you later!
Nancy Mommy
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