Through a Mother’s Eyes: My Experience With Depression

By Nancy D. Galang, MA

"You are not alone, and you don't have to suffer alone" - Tess Holliday

I have been dealing with my kids’ depression since 2018. And I think any parent who has watched a child battle depression would understand when I say that the struggle is not theirs alone. You go through it with them - the worrying, the watching, the wondering what to say, what not to say, when to step in, and when to simply sit beside them.

As a single mom, I’ve often felt that weight twice as much. There was no one beside me to whisper, “Anong gagawin natin?” No one to take over when I was tired, scared, or simply didn’t know what to do anymore. I had to be the parent who stayed strong while quietly trying to understand something I was also learning about along the way.

It has been eight years, and I still don’t have all the answers. But I have learned a lot - not only about depression, but about my children, about being a mother, and about the kind of presence our kids sometimes need from us when they are fighting battles we cannot see.

Depression is something we hear about all the time now. I am glad that we talk about mental health more openly, which is a good thing. I was also glad that my children knew that they needed professional help and told me about it. In the middle of going through it, I still found myself blessed. 

Maraming magulang ang walang kaalam-alam sa pinagdadaanan ng kanilang mga anak. Not because they don’t care, but because sometimes, their kids simply don’t know how to tell them. Maybe they’re afraid they won’t be understood. Maybe they’re scared of being judged. Or maybe they’ve convinced themselves that this is a battle they have to fight alone. And that, for me, is one of the heartbreaking things about depression - you can love your child with everything you have and still not know the battles they are quietly fighting.

Because depression is a very difficult battle, those who go through it need all the support they can get. 

How does depression look like? 

Sometimes it looks like sleeping all day. Sometimes it looks like being irritable over the smallest things. Sometimes it looks like not wanting to go anywhere or see anyone.Sometimes it is losing interest in things that used to make them happy. Sometimes it is a messy room, unanswered messages, unfinished responsibilities. Sometimes, it looks like self-loathing - constantly putting yourself down, believing you’re not good enough, and allowing all those negative thoughts about yourself to take over. It’s hearing that voice in your head telling you that you’re a failure, that you’re not worthy, or that things would be better without you.

As a mother, my first instinct has always been to fix things. Lalo na I am a single mom, I always feel like wala naman ibang aayos kundi ako lang. Whatever the problem is, my mind automatically goes into solution mode. Because that's what moms do, right?

May problema? Let's find a solution. May kailangang gawin? Tara, let's do it! May sakit? Pa-check-up kaagad at bumili ng gamot. May heartbreak? Sige, ilabas mo lang. I'll listen.

We worry. We plan. We research. We call people. We spend money we sometimes don't have. We lose sleep. We pray. And when all else fails, we say, "Ako na. Ako na ang bahala."

For so many years, I thought that was what my kids with depression needed from me - the mom who would figure things out, find a way, and somehow make things better. Pero may mga pagkakataon na kahit anong gawin mo, hindi mo kayang ayusin agad.

That is one of the hardest things about dealing with depression. Walang formula.

Walang lines na puwedeng i-memorize na kapag nagkaroon ulit sila ng episode, alam mo na agad ang tamang sasabihin o gagawin. What worked the last time may not work this time. Sometimes they want to talk. Sometimes they don't. Sometimes they want you close; sometimes they need space.

And perhaps one of the hardest things I’ve had to learn as a mother is that I cannot fix this for my children. And honestly, this is hard to accept.

As a mother, you naturally want to make things better. You want to take away the pain, find the answer, and somehow make everything okay again. Your instinct is to do something - to find an answer, to make things better, to take away the pain if you possibly can.

But I am also learning that even if I cannot take away my child’s pain, anxiety, fear, or whatever they may be struggling with, it doesn’t mean there is nothing I can do. There are still ways I can support them, even in small and seemingly ordinary ways. Sometimes, it’s those little things that matter.

I can listen - but only when they want to talk. I can remind them to eat, take a shower, or step outside and get some sunlight. I can encourage them to seek professional help when they need it. I can sit quietly beside them when words aren't what they need.

And I can remind them to take things one day at a time - or, on particularly difficult days, one hour at a time. I know now that sometimes, when the battle becomes too difficult, the goal is simply to make it through the day.

I’ve also learned that it isn't always about telling them, “You have to get better.”

Because there are days when “getting better” feels too big. Too far away. Too difficult to even imagine.

On those days, maybe the goal can be much smaller. Sometimes, when the battle is particularly difficult, the goal is simply to survive the day.

So I stay. I listen when they want to talk. I give them space when they need it. And in whatever way I can, I remind them:

“Nandito lang ako. And when you're ready to take the next step, sasamahan kita."

And maybe, for now, that is enough.